


Adjunct

by SalomeWeil



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aggression, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Professors, Alternate Universe - Theatre, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Inappropriate Behavior, References to Depression, and didn't I promise not to write anymore for this pairing?, this was supposed to be a one-shot, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:39:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8340154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalomeWeil/pseuds/SalomeWeil
Summary: Rey Smith was living the dream...if the dream was 50k in student loans, ramen for dinner every night, an air plant for company, and an adjunct position with no hope for tenure. Then the unthinkable happens and the world-famous Doctor Kylo Ren becomes visiting professor for a semester. This could mean the beginning of everything she's ever hoped for...or the end of it.  Rated M for language and later adult situations.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a one-shot, I swear. Then 10k + words happened and so I'm splitting it up into at least three parts. Let me know if you want the rest of it...or don't, I'll probably post it anyway. Also, if we could pretend like I didn't say I was never going to write anything for this pairing ever again, that would be great. Thanks for reading! 
> 
> The rumors that are spread about Rey in this story by the student body of the college reflect something that happened to me when I was in undergraduate. So yes, weird rumors and gossip can and will happen whenever flirtatious and any other sort of behavior is perceived by a student body.

_________________________________

  
  


Rey Smith was living the dream.

 

If the dream was $50,000 in student loans, a room in someone else’s house to call home, ramen and frozen peas for dinner every night, an air plant for a pet and substitute social life, and an adjunct professorship at a college that probably wouldn’t be able to turn the position into a permanent one.

 

Still, the depression that accompanied most of those aspects of her life disappeared when she was leading a class, or, better yet, held a power tool in her hands. So, that was something. Life wasn’t completely pointless.

 

And then those dreaded words hit the grapevine.

 

 _Visiting professor_.

 

 _Sister college_.

 

_Accolades._

 

_World-renowned productions._

 

 _New techniques_.

 

The stress Rey felt in the weeks leading up to the big reveal at their department meeting was, to say the least, migraine-inducing, but now that she was in the meeting and hearing the truth of the matter, nothing could have prepared her for any of it.

 

A small part of her mind - the rational portion - was repeating over and over that if the college was willing to spend their donors’ money on a world-class visiting professor, then any hope she had - as competent and well-liked an adjunct as she was - of being kept on as a tenure-track professor was completely out of the question.

 

The irrational portion of her mind, the kind that still believed the bullshit she’d been taught in grad-school about networking, said this could be a great opportunity for her. After all, she’d taken on some daring set and lighting designs in her time. Her work in a sound booth was second to none, even at the large, state-university she’d attended for grad-school. And she could be taught and was willing to try new things. She had initiative. She had work-ethic. This could get her _noticed_ , by God.

 

So her excitement battled it out with her stress and anguish and won, ultimately, and it was with a considerably lighter heart that she went through the motions for the rest of the semester, finished exams, handed out grades, struck sets, and turned off the lights.

 

January was coming and it would be a new year, new semester, new her.

 

Then January actually arrived and with it, Kylo Ren.

 

Glasses sporting, holey sweater wearing, man-bun styling, hipster-coffeehouse blend drinking _Doctor_ Kylo Ren.

 

Rey’s stress returned with a vengeance.

  


________________________________

  
  


Rey found herself, for the tenth time in a week - one week! - arguing with Doctor Ren about set design.

 

“That’s going to place too much stress on the structural integrity of the pagoda,” she argued as calmly as she could. “In order to keep from stressing the joists any more, you’re going to have to do without the pergola. It’s not even the right style for the time period, anyhow,” she added, perhaps a little more viciously than normal.

 

Doctor Ren didn’t even bother looking at her. “We have to have it. It’s central to the theme.”

 

Rey restrained herself. It wouldn’t do to point out to the _world-renowned_ professor that there didn’t appear to be _any_ theme to his set design. Instead, she sighed and rubbed a hand down her face.

 

“Maybe...maybe if we make it a hanging pergola?”

 

Doctor Ren’s face almost lit up and Rey felt a stab of irritation. The man was an overgrown child, honestly. Play-acting, himself, at being any variation of competent, or considerate, or…

 

“Yes,” he said, his deep voice interrupting her thoughts. “Absolutely.”

 

Rey hurried to point out the flaws in the design. “But there’s nothing I can do about the visibility flaws involved with hanging the beams -”

 

His face soured again and he glanced at her, then.

 

“I don’t care. Hanging them will tie into the theme even more, the ethereal nature of the human condition. But no on the visibility. I need the audience transported. You can’t be transported when you’ve got construction-ply cording running down in front of the background, breaking up the lighting.”

 

Rey felt her lips curling in disbelief as she listened to him.

 

“Are you naturally an idiot, or did you get a degree in that, too?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

All those weeks of holding her tongue, of pretending to see what he asked her to visualize, of acting like she knew exactly why he was a world-renown professor when really she thought his expertise wasn’t worth what the college was paying for him, bubbled over.

 

“I just mean, where did you get your training in set design and construction, because you have got to be out of your mind if you think we’d be able to hang actual wooden beams from the rickety rigging we are blessed with and not have the theatre come crashing down about our heads.”

 

Splotches of color - red, to be exact - began to mottle his cheeks, but Rey found she couldn’t stop herself now even if she’d wanted to.

 

“Of course we’re not using real wood. I’ll shape the beams out of foam, which will be heavy enough due to scale, but the wires we’ll use to hang them, even if we paint them over, which we will, might still be visible if the lighting catches them the wrong way.”

 

Rey watched the splotches of color slowly disappear and wondered if he were practicing some kind of breathing or meditation technique, because he managed not to bite her head off for the way she’d spoken to him and instead actually smiled a little.

 

“Styrofoam. Of course. It will be hard to paint,” he finished thoughtfully, his mouth screwing up a little.

 

“No, it won’t,” Rey snapped. “I use EPS. The coverage is better and it’s usually less of a mess to sculpt.”

 

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?” Doctor Ren turned his head, really observing her for what Rey thought must have been the first time.

 

“Only when I’m forced to work with arrogant imbeciles,” she replied without thinking.

 

His mouth screwed up again and Rey found her eyes were drawn to his lips. She blinked quickly and glanced away.

 

“Fine,” he murmured. “I don’t care what you call me. Just get it done. And no wires visible.”

 

“I already told you, that might not be possible.”

 

“I don’t care what you think is possible or impossible, Professor... _Smith_ ,” he replied, and damn if his voice wasn’t dripping with disdain when he said her last name. Rey felt her ire grow.

 

“That’s fine, because it doesn’t matter what you think of my classification of the situation,” she spat. “Your feelings won’t make it any more of a likelihood that I can make your asinine set design work.”

 

He leaned in and it was closer than he’d ever been to her before. She could see his dark hair, free of its heinous man-bun for once,  brushing the collar of his shirt, and through the lenses of the glasses she wasn’t even sure were real, his even darker eyes were hooded. “You know I can make you do whatever I want,” he said, his tone almost pitying as his eyes darted over her face, looking for a chink in her armor, for a reaction of some kind. He was justly rewarded.

 

She reared back from him as far as she could, considering they were in the wings and her back was to the wall, and pinned a look of such pure disgust upon him that she wondered it didn’t melt the skin off his face. She could feel her lips had curled back, mouth hanging half-open in shock, and she clamped her jaw shut suddenly, swallowing hard. The curl of aversion remained at the corners of her mouth and she watched with panicked uneasiness as his eyes flickered down to see the expression of her mouth before meeting her eyes again.

 

Rey found her voice, under attack as she felt, and she was almost proud of herself for managing to not punch him in the face. Almost, that was, because she rather thought he deserved a good punch in the face.

 

“Was that a threat to get me kicked out of the university, or a threat to rape me?”

 

This time it was her turn to be rewarded for her remark and she watched his eyes fly wide, then narrow again in anger. His mouth twisted and twitched as if he was trying to find a come back and she drove her point home.

 

“Sorry if I’m a little confused, but honestly, you’re creepy enough to be capable of either.”

 

He moved so quickly she flinched, expecting a hand to come flying at her face, or grasping her throat, or anything except what actually happened: he’d lifted his hand from where it had rested on the wall beside her and moved back a few steps, no longer crowding her.

 

“You -” he growled, and disbelief and disdain laced his tone. Rey met his eyes again as bravely as she could, refusing to feel guilty for the accusation. He was creepy, he was in her personal space, and the memories he’d just triggered for her might not have been his fault, but his own behavior now most definitely was. She wasn’t about to feel guilty for calling him out on it, for his cornering her and making her bite back with the only weapon she could wield: her words.

 

“No, _you_!” she hissed at him in return. Emboldened by his reaction, she took a step forward, into his space, and placed her hands on his chest. That startled him momentarily, long enough for her to put a little pressure behind them and give him a shove. He stumbled even further away and then ripped the glasses from his face and held them tightly while pointing at her.

 

His pointer finger stopped just shy of poking her sternum, just shy of hitting that starting swell of her breasts in her practical button-down. He seemed to realize just how close he was to cries of sexual assault, because instead of spewing forth whatever hateful speech had been boiling in his mind and mouth, he closed his jaw and his lips pinched together in a thin line.

 

They stood there, staring one another down, for seconds - minutes? Rey couldn’t tell, she felt so lost in her rapidly shifting emotions of humiliation, fear, and anger. Then Doctor Ren whirled on his heel with a sharp, “God _damn_ it!” and was gone, stalking down the hall away from her without another word.

 

Rey swore she could hear his glasses crunching in his fist as he left and a long shudder rippled down her body, leaving her knees weak and her head spinning. A whisper of air left her lips.

 

“God damn _him._ ”

  


________________________________

  
  


“How? I just don’t understand how _that._ ..how _someone_ at that level of odious, disgusting, pig-headed, crass, chauvinistic, creepy behavior is more valuable to this college than I am!”

 

“Don’t forget lecherous.”

 

“And idiotic.”

 

“Or misogynistic.”

 

Rey looked up from the circle of foam that was clinging to the sides of her glass of swiftly dwindling ale and scoffed.

 

“You two aren’t helping any,” she grumbled and Poe and Finn looked at one another. Finn rolled his eyes and Poe raised an eyebrow and they broke into laughter at the same time.

 

It was all completely uncalculated and utterly spontaneous and there was something about it that made Rey’s heart ache, just a little bit. She frowned and stared back into her drink, as if divining the secrets of the future. The little devil of irritation and jealousy at what her friends had reared its ugly head and she thrust it back down just as quickly. It was completely unfair of her to attach any of her own problems to the fact that they’d found happiness together and by golly, they deserved it.

 

She, on the other hand, didn’t deserve anything, apparently. Not even credit for the basic set design and construction knowledge she’d earned through hard work and years of study.

 

“I mean,” she went on, returning to her favorite, current theme of Doctor Ren’s stupidity, “he didn’t even realize I meant we’d be constructing his stupid pergola out of foam! What kind of dumbass builds his entire set out of wood when he intends to hang the damn thing?”

 

“I’m gonna get us another round,” Poe said, sliding from his barstool. He looked at Rey. “Want anything?”

 

Startled, Rey immediately began to deny the offer. She hated it when her friends paid for her. Hated it when _anyone_ paid for her.

 

“What? Oh, no, thanks, but -”

 

“Pale ale for the lady,” the bartender suddenly said, interrupting the trio to slide another glass in front of Rey.

 

Rey looked from the drink to the bartender and back. “I don’t want it,” she said.

 

The bartender shrugged and started to move it away.

 

“Whoa, hold on,” Finn said, stopping the bartender. “She’ll take it,” he said, smiling charmingly at the man, who huffed good-naturedly and left the drink, then started to walk off to another customer.

 

“Finn!” Rey exclaimed.

 

Finn ignored her and waved the bartender back. “Who sent it?” he asked. The other man shrugged again.

 

“Don’t know. Got the message from one of the servers. Rick, I think.” He turned and hollered down the bar for the server. Fortunately, it was noisy enough that Rey wasn’t too embarrassed at the length to which Finn was going to solve the mystery of the pale ale.

 

She was also incredibly grateful. Finn knew her history, knew the gritty details, and would go to any lengths to protect her. Not that she couldn’t protect herself, but for all his bantering with Poe and their mutual teasing of her in her current situation, she knew Finn would have her back in a heartbeat if either of them felt she was in any real danger from the creep-tastic Doctor Ren.

 

Which she didn’t. Ok, so that moment in the theatre earlier came close, but it was pretty clear by his reaction he knew exactly which boundaries he’d stepped over and felt suitably horrified by it. Still, she couldn’t get his dark, hooded eyes out of her mind, or the way his mouth had screwed up, or that ridiculous, splotchy flush in his cheeks. It sent shivers she didn’t quite understand down her spine and she found herself having to focus super hard on what Finn was asking her. The clink of a new round of glasses that Poe brought over to their end of the bar helped some and she shook her head a little.

 

“No. I have no idea who ‘Ben Solo’ is,” she said, then snorted. “Sounds like the lead-in to a terrible pick-up line.”

 

Poe immediately caught up her line of reasoning. He put on his most sultry look. “Hi, I’m Ben Solo, but with you I don’t have to be Solo tonight.”

 

Finn guffawed and clapped him on the shoulder and Rey snorted again, sending some of the foam flying out of her glass. Finn laughed even harder and offered her a napkin through his tears while Poe grinned, chuffed at the success of his latest joke. He started scanning the room around them.

 

“Seriously, though, no clue who this dude is or why he’d buy you a drink?”

 

Rey shook her head, finishing off her glass and eyeing the offering from the stranger that was still standing tall and proud on the bartop in front of her. Finn jerked his head toward one side of the room.

 

“The server said something about him being at a table over there.”

 

Immediately, Poe stood up and ran a hand through his hair. “Well, in that case…”

 

“Hey!” Finn protested as Poe grabbed Rey’s hand, but he was laughing.

 

“Come, my other love. Tonight...we _dance_.”

 

Then he was pulling Rey from her seat and twirling her around as he tugged her across the room to the dance floor just in front of the small stage. Rey couldn’t help laughing some, but inside she was nervous, her stomach all butterflies. Somewhere in the tables that bordered the small parquet dance floor was an admirer...of _her._

 

It wasn’t that the concept of someone liking her was completely foreign to her - although Finn claimed she had complete tunnel vision in her work and no time for anything outside of it. No, it was that the people who had liked her in the past usually turned out to be total jerks, or creeps, or…

 

She didn’t realize she’d sworn aloud until Poe’s lips were by her ear in order to be heard properly over the loud music.

 

“What is it?”

 

She got just as close to him in order to explain and they swayed together to the beat of the music.

 

“Doctor Ren. He’s here.”

 

“Really?” Poe’s eyebrows shot up and he shimmied his hips closer to hers. “Point him out!”

 

“Ugh, no! He’ll see me! He’s probably already seen me! Poe, let’s just go back -”

 

“Point him out, Rey, or I’m going to embarrass you right here in the middle of the dance floor by doing all the licentious things he’s probably thinking about to you!”

 

Rey blushed to the roots of her hair, she could feel it, and smacked Poe on the shoulder, but allowed him to twirl her around some more before bringing her flush against him again. She counted the tables as surreptitiously as she could and then brought her lips to Poe’s ear again.

 

“Third table on the right, dark hair, permanent scowl…”

 

Her voice trailed off because just then, the unpleasant Doctor Ren’s face broke into a smile, lips stretched wide, pearly whites displayed in a goofy grin, adam’s apple bobbing up and down with laughter. Rey was transfixed.

 

Then he was turning his head, idly scanning the dance floor, passing right over her...stopping, doing a double-take. She caught the exact moment when his eyes flashed back to where she stood on the dance floor, Poe’s arms around her, their hips gyrating to the music, and that brilliant smile died a slow, painful death.

 

Rey tugged on Poe’s shoulders and tried to look somewhere, anywhere but at him, but it was too late. No matter where her eyes darted they were drawn back to him and Poe twirled them around two seconds too late.

 

Long enough for her to see something sadder than a scowl come over his face, long enough for her to see the stately blonde sitting next to him lean across the table and caress his arm, long enough to let utter confusion take hold of her.

 

“That’s Doctor Ren?” Poe murmured in her ear as he made up for her now half-hearted dance moves. “Sullen, creepy, gross, idiotic Doctor Ren?”

 

Rey nodded.

 

“That awkward hunk of gorgeous, pouting man-meat is _the_ Doctor Ren?”

 

“Poe!” His words startled her from her thoughts and Rey smacked his shoulder again. Poe laughed and twirled her around a little more, finishing up the song with her before taking her hand and dragging her back across the bar to where Finn sat, watching their drinks.

 

“Well?” Finn asked, jumping up from his seat. “Did you see anyone you know? Even in passing?”

 

“Oh, she saw someone she knows, all right,” Poe said, waggling his brows suggestively. Rey frowned and slid back onto her bar stool, dragging the still full pale ale from her secret admirer over and taking a long sip.

 

“Who? Not a Ben, by chance?”

 

“Not in a million years,” Poe said, laughing. “Just the opposite of a nice, calm, generous Ben Solo, I imagine.”

 

Finn’s jaw dropped. “No, tell me it’s not true,” he said as he took several astonishing leaps to arrive at the right conclusion. Poe grinned and took his hand.

 

“You and me, dance floor, now.”

 

Finn, bless him, at least took the time to check and make sure Rey was ok. She nodded glumly and nursed her drink.

 

“Go on. You might as well take a look, yourself,” she grumbled. Finn smiled at her encouragingly and started to say something about not getting into any trouble, but Poe was dragging him away before he could finish the thought. Rey watched them go, bemused, and then turned back to her drink.

 

She didn’t know why she was feeling so out of sorts, or why seeing Doctor Ren smile that way had affected her so badly. Not that it had affected her, she tried to bluster to herself. She was fine. She just wasn’t used to seeing him smile. Just like she wasn’t used to him looking at her the way he had, like she was somebody that affected _him_.

 

Not that she believed for one second that look had really been intended for her, about her. She was certain, in fact, that she had simply startled him. He hadn’t been expecting to see her there tonight, clearly, just like she really hadn’t expected or wanted to see him.

 

That was all.

 

 _So why_ , she reasoned, taking another long sip of her drink, _am I still bothered_?

  


______________________________

  
  


Rey wasn’t nursing a hangover the next day because she’d only had two ales, but she was exhausted because she’d been up half the night, tossing and turning. She’d finally fallen asleep in front of the TV, huddled under a blanket, an infomercial playing endlessly, droning at her about nonstick pans and cutlery she couldn’t afford.

 

Even on a shortened sleep schedule, she was in the theatre at 6:30 in the morning, two travel coffee mugs in hand - her standard - ready to get back to work on the hodge-podge of a set design she’d been given.

 

She continued to turn yesterday’s events over in her mind, even as her students were filtering in, even as she was sculpting foam, even as she was monitoring the mixing of paints and the application of wires.

 

Even when Doctor Ren arrived, clearly in a foul mood, and ready to argue everyone - including himself - off the “whole damn project.”

 

Rey listened to him once more berate one of the acting students, followed by the much-beloved acting _professor_ , and finally had enough. She had to put a stop to this shit-storm of a professor before the entire theatre program was placed in jeopardy from a single semester’s worth of material. From across the stage, deep in the wings, she tore her safety goggles off and called to him so sharply that the entire bustling, packed space went still.

 

“Hey, asshole!”

 

She couldn’t say she was honestly surprised that everyone assumed she meant him. She was a little surprised he seemed to assume the same...but she supposed, after their conversation the day before, that shouldn’t have been a surprise, either.

 

He turned around slowly, found her eyes from across the span of set, props, students, and shitty lighting, and _smiled_. Rey’s heart leapt into her throat and the combination of it plus her roiling anger at his behavior made her nauseous.

 

He turned back to the small group of people he’d been browbeating and tossed a hand in the air after scrubbing at his scalp through his artfully messy, pulled-back hair.

 

“Looks like you’re off the hook for now. _I’m_ being _summoned_.”

 

Then he turned in her direction again and started picking his way over to where she stood on the edge of the wings, in her make-shift shop.

 

Rey felt her anger at him starting to ebb some in the wake of her confusion at his acquiescence. Now that she had his attention, now that she’d distracted him away from sending the theatre majors into crying fits, she wasn’t entirely sure what to do with him...and as he approached, the wry expression on his face seemed to indicate that he _knew_ it.

 

He stopped in front of her and tilted his head slightly before raking his fingertips into his hair again, sending some of the strands falling out of their precarious position in a ponytail that shouldn’t have suited him. Rey huffed a bit, then jerked her head towards the stage door.

 

“Outside?”

 

His eyebrows rose slowly and his gaze raked over her face in way that sent the blood rushing to her cheeks. She willed herself to stay calm.

 

“Whatever you like,” he replied.

 

Rey shrugged, but suited her actions to her suggestion. She carefully set her goggles down on her table, along with the tool she’d been using, after checking to make sure it was off. Then she took off her gloves and wiped her hands down her pants, before tossing directions at her students as she turned and led the way outside.

 

The minute they were outside, in the crisp February air, Rey felt all her reasons for doing this fly out the window. What had she been thinking? She was probably ruining her reputation along with her dinky position at this dinky, backwoods college.

 

“Listen, I’m sorry I called you an asshole in there,” she said. “That was inappropriate.”

 

“No, it wasn’t. Don’t be sorry. I am an asshole. Unfortunately, it’s how I’ve gotten every place I’ve been in life...theatre in the real world is like that. I keep forgetting what it’s like being a wide-eyed student, getting to be in the spotlight for the first time. All I can remember is the strength it takes to hold on when everyone else’s teeth are sharper.”

 

It was the most sense Rey had ever heard him spout and it touched something deep within herself. She knew firsthand just how sharp your own teeth needed to be in order to bite back and survive.

 

“I understand that,” she said calmly. “But there’s a way to build people up and still be tough as nails.”

 

“Trust me, I’m recalling that little by little. It’s just been a while,” he offered. He hesitated, then said, “Watching you helps.”

 

“You watch me?” She was so taken aback by the idea that he thought she had anything of value to offer him that she missed the grimace that ghosted over his lips.

 

“That came out wrong,” he said.

 

“No, I’m not upset - I didn’t think you meant…”

 

“Oh. Well, that’s good, I guess,” he muttered, laughing nervously. “After yesterday…”

 

“Yes,” she replied, putting an end to that train of thought. If yesterday never came up again, she’d be perfectly content. She eyed him momentarily, then huffed a little.

 

“Can’t you take those stupid things off?” she said, gesturing to his glasses. “They’re not even real, are they? I can’t have a serious conversation with someone who wears fake glasses.”

 

Those eyebrows of his shot up again before his face broke into the smile from last night, the smile that had rocked her pitifully small world.

 

“I do need them, actually,” he said. He took them off and inspected them before looking back at her, blinking owlishly. “Would you believe they’re bifocals?”

 

“Oh my God,” Rey said. She smacked a hand over her face and groaned. “I am royally screwing this up, aren’t I?”

 

“No,” he replied. “I know I seem like the type to wear fake glasses. At least, I understand that now.”

 

“You’re too young for bifocals, anyway,” Rey groused and he laughed that deep, throaty laugh from last night. Rey had to fight to keep her lips from splitting in an answering grin, from her cheeks flushing, from wanting to run away like a teenager.

 

“Trust me, I’m really not,” he said. He eyed her and put the glasses back on.

 

“So what, you had the glasses already and figured you’d just dress the rest of the part?”

 

“What part?” His brows were screwed together now in confusion and Rey began to feel like the imbecile she’d accused him of being the day before.

 

“You know...the Portlandia hipster schtick.” She waved a hand at his entire ensemble, and was unable to keep her cheeks from flushing this time...but maybe it was just the cold. Their breath was coming out in small, misting puffs, after all.

 

His brows rose again as he gave a half smile in disbelief and a sharp inhalation followed by a sharper exhalation.

 

“Oh my God. No wonder you think I’m a creep.”

 

Rey was certain her face was bright red and the only emotion she felt was humiliation.

 

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

 

“No, really,” he replied. “I think I needed this wake-up call.”

 

They stood facing one another, awkwardly shifting their weight and trying to look anywhere except at one another.

 

“Look, let’s just go back inside,” Rey finally mumbled.

 

“Right. No telling what a creepy, hipster idiot like me might do.” There was a hint of venom in his voice, but it didn’t seem to be directed at her and for the most part Doctor Kylo Ren looked just as dejected as Rey felt.

 

“That’s not what I - it’s cold out here and neither of us are wearing coats and we’ve got a production to put together.”

 

He watched her thoughtfully, pursing his lips as if he wanted to say more. Then he shook his head and Rey watched the loose strands of his hair float into his face. She almost started to say something, to ask if he wanted to fix his hair, when he spoke.

 

“We do have our work cut out for us,” he said, along with what might have been a smile, but was more likely a grudging peace offering. Then he put his hand on the door handle, ready to open it.

 

Rey realized something with a start. It was more likely that his perpetual state of disarray, holey sweaters, tucked shoelaces, and messy man-buns was the result of a genuinely creative mind that was constantly running and didn’t have time for the details of presentability, than a disingenuous attempt at a hipster portrayal.

 

She felt taken aback by the realization, angry at herself for not being more observant, and embarrassed. Still, none of that excused his behavior toward other people. Even geniuses needed to be kind.

 

And geniuses didn’t try to hang solid wood beams from crappy riggings, either.

 

However, she was able to admit to herself, at least, that maybe she’d been a little bit wrong about him and quick to judge. She looked at him, still standing there, ready to open the door for her, scuffing his worn shoes a little against the ice and snow that had built up recently. The ice in her own heart melted just enough.

 

“Right,” Rey said softly. “Back inside it is, then.”

 

Doctor Ren hauled the door open and ushered her inside.

  


________________________________________________

  
  


The uneasy truce that seemed to exist between Rey and the visiting professor set tongues wagging, of course. Rey had been prepared, she thought, for a few rumors to fly when she’d first become a professor. She’d been familiar enough with the theatre rumor mill when she was in university, after all. She just hadn’t been prepared for the rumors that were birthed about herself and Doctor Ren after their small, private chat.

 

Unfortunately, three days passed before she heard any of them and by then it was too late to stomp out any potential fires.

 

It was only fortunate that it was Finn breaking it to her and not over-heard underclassmen, because Rey wasn’t sure her employment status could’ve handled the way she reacted to the news.

 

He’d called her on a Friday afternoon, in a rare moment of rest for Rey, and now stood in the doorway of the house she rented a room in, shifting his weight, and glancing around.

 

“Want to go for a walk?” he suggested and Rey tilted her head.

 

“Sure. Must be something big, though, if you need the privacy,” she mused. She suddenly looked aghast at him, pausing in the act of shrugging on a coat and tossing a scarf about her neck.

 

“It’s not Poe, is it? You’re not -”

 

“No! God, no,” Finn said hastily, reassuring her. “I would never.”

 

“Oh. Ok. Good. I like Poe,” she said and Finn gave her a wry smile as they started down the sidewalk.

 

“I know,” he replied. “You only ask me when I’m going to propose every other week.”

 

“What? You know I would be all over planning your wedding. Besides, I am ready to be an aunt.”

 

“Rey!” Finn laughed aloud and Rey snuggled down into her coat and scarf some. She could tell he was blushing and she smiled beneath the heavy knit, pleased with herself.

 

“What, is Baby not enough for you? Need a real one?” he rejoindered, bringing up the roly-poly Cavalier King Charles spaniel he and Poe owned.

 

“The way you two spoil that dog there are practically two of her,” Rey replied, bumping shoulders with Finn. He laughed again.

 

“She does need to lose some weight,” he admitted. “But we love her anyway.”

 

The conversation dwindled for a moment and they walked on in silence. After a block or so, Rey bumped shoulders again.

 

“Look, this is lovely, but you didn’t call me out to discuss your dog’s health and enjoy the biting weather.”

 

Finn hesitated a moment, glancing at her. She looked right back and he gave her a tight smile.

 

“All right,” he finally said, facing forward again. “I just...I have to know something, because I’ve been hearing things, all the way down in admissions, and Poe was worried because he had to break up some pretty bad talk in the locker room the other day...and you know I respect your choices, but then what I was hearing changed and…”

 

“Spit it out, Finn,” Rey replied, though her heart was suddenly pounding.

 

“Right. Ok. Rey, are you and Doctor Ren...has he hurt you somehow?”

 

Rey stopped dead in her tracks and looked at him, horrified. “What? Where the fuck did that come from?”

 

“It’s just that, at first Poe said what he heard was that the students think there’s something going on with you two, like Doctor Ren and you like each other, but what _I_ heard was totally different and that he liked you and made it pretty clear and when you wouldn’t have anything to do with him, he…”

 

“He what?” Rey’s heart was in her throat for the second time in one week and she felt very sick at the thought that what she’d accused him of just a few days ago was being rumored about him now...now that she knew the truth about him, or knew more of the truth.

 

It wasn’t fair to him, to either of them, and she had to fix it. She especially had to fix it before the rumors became so rampant that the dean couldn’t ignore them any longer.

 

“Rey, you know what I’m trying to say.” Finn turned and faced her, his expression grim. “I need to know, because I know you and I love and care about you. Did Doctor Ren rape you?”

 

“God, no!” Rey bit out.

 

“Did he assault you in any way?”

 

“ _No_.” She scowled at him. “Where the hell do you think you get off, asking me a question like that?”

 

“You said earlier this week -”

 

“Nothing happened, Finn. It could’ve, but it didn’t. He stopped himself and he clearly hated himself for the entire incident. Although it wouldn’t surprise me if a student overhearing that exchange let his or her imagination run away with them.” She was feeling a little more calm, but only marginally...she stomped forward a couple of meters in the snow. “I’m sure that’s what happened,” she tossed over her shoulder, ready to fight with her best friend over a stupid, idiotic rumor some underclassmen thought was good fodder for the dining hall and every hall in between. She kicked at a mound of snow for good measure, then turned and looked at Finn expectantly and maybe a little angrily, though she recognized she wasn’t really upset with _him_.

 

Finn watched her carefully for a second, then jogged up to her. “Ok...ok. I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that.”

 

Rey felt her shoulders relax marginally. “Apology accepted.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Thanks for trying to look out for me,” Rey replied softly. “It means a lot to me.”

 

“ _You_ mean a lot to me.” Finn offered her a small, heartfelt smile and Rey returned it. Then she nodded up the street towards the corner where the campus coffee shop sat.

 

“How about you buy me a cocoa to help make up for it?”

 

Finn looked up the street and back at her. “And what, discuss the ridiculous, obviously false rumors loudly while we’re at it?”

 

Rey grinned. “Couldn’t hurt, could it?”

 

Finn held out an arm to her. “Care to join me for some cocoa, my lady?”

 

“I’d be delighted, good sir,” Rey said, fluttering her mittened hands over her heart before taking his arm and batting her eyelashes. Finn laughed some more and then began cooing sweet nothings at her while she looked at him as if he’d hung the moon, both attempting to keep straight faces.

 

They walked the remaining block in a very companionable good-humor.

  
  
_____________________________________


	2. Building

__________________________________

 

Whatever outcome Rey had been expecting from the recent rumor-mongering and subsequent rumor-debunking, this had _not_ been it.

 

She tried to clean her jaw up off the table as she stared at Doctor Ren over the meager lunch fixings scattered across it.

 

“Am I in a what?”

 

Doctor Ren cleared his throat and suddenly looked a little embarrassed, although he’d just pointed out that there was hardly anything to be embarrassed about, as they were all consenting adults.

 

“A relationship with...them.”

 

“With Finn and Poe?”

 

“Yes,” he confirmed and took a bite of his sandwich.

 

“Are Finn and Poe my gay boyfriends?”

 

The incredulity on her face should have been answer enough, but Kylo Ren was clearly waiting for a verbal confirmation or denial. He was never one to do things by halves, apparently. Take his commitment to a hanging pergola, for instance.

 

Rey began to laugh, even though her cheeks were bright red with mortification. She snickered and snorted and was suddenly pounding the small table they had commandeered in the lobby of the theatre.

 

Doctor Ren suddenly seemed to feel the need to explain himself, even while he was grabbing hold of his root beer to keep the bottle from toppling over.

 

“It’s just...the way you were dancing with the one last week...and when I saw you in the coffee shop on Friday - you didn’t notice me, don’t worry, I was just picking up an order, I wouldn’t have wanted to stay,” he went on, speaking over her protests of “why didn’t you say anything” and “if I’d known you were there.”

 

She barely waited for him to finish talking before she was trying to explain through her remaining giggles. “Look. Stop it. They are my friends. Finn is my best friend, in fact. But that’s it, I promise. I’m their crazy workaholic, cat lady friend - although I don’t have a cat - who’s always on them to get married and they let me eat dinner with them at least three times a week and if I weren’t so stubborn they’d probably let me rent the spare room in their house, but I am, so.”

 

If she didn’t know better, she’d think he looked almost relieved. She gave him a small smile.

 

“Just...please don’t tell me you thought all that because you heard it from a student. I don’t need another set of rumors floating around.”

 

“Another?”

 

Ah. So maybe his question wasn’t the result of ill-meaning, bored students. She’d thought it was possible, that after dealing with the last set of rumors, someone had decided to twist the one good thing in her life around as well.

 

But now he was looking at her curiously, those eyes of his boring into her and those lips of his pursing as he held his bottle up to take another drink. She glanced back at her measly sandwich and picked at it some, rather than answer his last question. Then she stood up, gathering the sandwich, wrapper, and napkin up into a handful.

 

“I need to get back to work,” she said decisively. “I’ve got a class arriving in ten minutes and their workspace isn’t clear.”

 

He set his bottle down, stood up, and began to gather his items as well.

 

“Let me help,” he said, and Rey froze.

 

“Why?” she blurted out. He glanced at her and held his hand out for her trash.

 

“It’s my name on the production,” he replied matter-of-factly. “If something goes wrong on stage, I’m not going to blame all the people who put the real time and effort into it. I need to oversee every step at least once.”

 

Rey blinked at him dumbly, then handed him her trash. He took it and turned to the trash can, dumping it swiftly. Then he brushed his hands on his pants and looked back at her.

 

“Besides, someone reminded me recently that I need to build others up more. Lending a hand does that easily enough.”

 

She eyed him for a moment, sizing him up.

 

“Only if you promise not to break anything,” Rey finally said. His mouth split into that smile she was learning to detest.

 

“I can’t promise anything,” he replied. “But I’ll try.”

 

“Try to break something, or try not to break something?” Rey snapped back and he gave one of those rare laughs that he seemed to spare for moments when no one else was around...and for stately blondes in crowded bars, Rey reminded herself.

 

“Yes?” he responded, still laughing, smiling.

 

For a glorious second, Rey could feel herself holding out against the strange charm of the situation, of him. Her strength, built up over the years, the knowledge that she was alone in the world and always would be, the idea that love was never simple, or easy, that connections only ever ended the dreams they were born from - it was all the rock she clung to, the foundation upon which she’d built herself. And it was crumbling.

 

Then her lips provided an answering, wry smile of her own through quietly huffed laughter, and the ice in her veins began to thaw.

 

____________________________________

 

The puzzle of Doctor Ren was by no means solved in that moment. Just because Rey had a crush on him didn’t mean he was any kinder on a regular basis, or less of a neurotic mess over his production design.

 

But she could suddenly see the more decent things about him - the way his hard approach pushed the students, challenged them to see beyond their initial visions, and got results from them in a way the much beloved acting professor never seemed to gain. The way his passion could whip other people into a similar frenzy for his ideas. The way his voice grew less clinical when he discussed the themes of loss and grief.

 

He was hard, yes, and unyielding, but when the students were able to see past their personal attachments to the craft, they could build upon the firm foundation with which he provided them.

 

His set design and building theory was still shit, but one couldn’t be perfect, she supposed.

 

For instance, he was just sitting back and observing her class that afternoon: watching her teach, watching her create. His was an almost soothing presence, for once...almost.

 

Rey glanced over to where he sat on the edge of the wings, one hand raised for the last minute and a half, a bored expression on his face. Her class was tittering nervously.

 

“Yes?” she finally asked, giving him the opening he so clearly wanted.

 

“Can you explain the differences between the foams?”

 

Rey narrowed her eyes.

 

“I can,” she replied slyly. “But I find learning things is always more effective when we present in front of a class. So why don’t you come and share the differences with us, Doctor Ren?” She cocked her head at him. “After all, I can only assume you’re asking that for the benefit of the class, since you designed this entire production down to the letter. Or should I say...pergola?”

 

The class’s laughter grew a little thinner, but it was still there. Rey waited.

 

Doctor Ren’s eyes narrowed in return and he stood up, seemingly ready to face her challenge. Rey couldn’t help smirking as he walked to the front of the small gathering of chairs and worktables and stood before the marked up whiteboard that Rey rolled to every class she taught in the theatre. He made a show of selecting a dry-erase marker - red, of course - and then whirled about to face the students.

 

“Let’s start with some of the less usual questions we ask when debating the differences between items,” he said. He smiled at them unpleasantly and then pointed at one of the students without even asking the boy’s name.

 

“You. Can you tell me how Styrofoam and EPS are similar?”

 

The boy stammered out a response while Rey watched, mildly impressed despite herself. He’d turned right around and was not only using her own technique on the students to provide answers, he was doing it backwards. The sneaky bastard.

 

By the end of the class, half the students were excited for the lab in which they’d get to test the construction theories they’d discussed with Doctor Ren and half were ready to drop out and were lining up to ask Rey whether or not today’s lecture would be on the final.

 

She couldn’t help smiling, despite her exasperation with him, and when he approached her after the last students had filtered out the back of the theatre, she was ready to congratulate him on a victory well-earned.

 

Except he looked so damned smug that she couldn’t bring herself to do anything other than shake her head at him and then move away, rearranging the tables and stacking the chairs to make way for the work they’d need to do in the space later. He followed her.

 

“You’re mad at me,” he said and Rey huffed some, yanking another chair from her path and swinging it behind her. Doctor Ren caught it easily and walked away to deposit it on the waiting stack against one wall. He glanced over his shoulder at her and she grit her teeth. He looked like a puppy now, of all things.

 

“I thought you’d be pleased,” he offered and Rey whirled back around to continue her circuit of the space, picking up stray papers, finding nails on the floor, nudging tables back into place.

 

“I just covered over half your lecture material for the next week,” he tried again.

 

Rey decided she’d had enough of his smug, whiny certainty at that point.

 

“Did I ask you to?” she snapped at him over her shoulder.

 

He looked startled at her anger. She felt startled by it, herself. After all, covering extra ground was never a bad thing, not when Spring Break loomed large and production deadlines were already nearing when they were barely four weeks into the semester. Besides, she’d _invited_ him to take over. It wasn’t his fault that he’d taken a mile when she’d barely given an inch. That was just how he was. _But that doesn’t mean it’s how he should be_ , her mind whispered at her.

 

“I was just…” He floundered for words. Rey found she was more than happy to supply them. Her grudging admiration from when he’d begun his play at teaching her class earlier was totally gone, replaced by her righteous indignation at his earlier behavior that had never really found an outlet...or justice.

 

“Hijacking my class? Inadvertently demeaning me and my teaching style in front of over a dozen underclassmen who barely know the first thing about theatre and backstage work, some of whom are only taking this course as a GenEd in the arts? Thanks.”

 

He stopped following her and his bewilderment was gone, replaced by cool understanding.

 

“You feel threatened by me. As an educator.”

 

She stopped what she was doing and straightened up, her shoulders rolling back as if she could prove through her posture alone that she was too proud to ever be threatened by him.

 

He saw right through it.

 

“You know I’m just visiting,” he said and his tone was gentle, somehow. “I’m not even a real professor. I have the degrees, I mean, but I’m not using them to teach. I’m not what you should feel threatened by.”

 

No, Rey thought. That much was true. The academic institution in America was at fault: the one that allowed educated, talented professionals like herself to work and teach for peanuts at schools that would never retain them because costs had to be cut _somewhere_ , and by God, it _wasn’t going to be from the sports or industry programs._

 

She couldn’t bring herself to turn around and admit any of that, though. She suddenly didn’t want to see his face, to see the pity she was sure was sitting plain as day in those dark eyes and along that wide mouth.

 

After a few seconds of the stalemate, she heard him shuffle his feet some.

 

“Fine. I was going to say you’ve done a great job with your classes of misfits, but I have the feeling you don’t care what I think, either way.” He cleared his throat. “I’m going. I’m sure I’ll see you soon, Professor Smith.”

 

Rey curled her hands into fists, ready for a fresh wave of anger, but his voice hadn’t held any disdain, or venom, when it had shaped her name this time. She heard him walk from the room and her shoulders sagged with exhaustion and defeat. Now, instead of anger at him, she felt only dissatisfaction with herself.

 

_________________________________________

 

Rey went to the bar without Finn and Poe that night - not because it wasn’t their usual day, or they wouldn’t have been terribly supportive, or even that they weren’t available in the first place. Instead, she went alone because she was ashamed of herself, and embarrassed, and she needed the anonymity of dim lighting, loud music, and a seat alone at the bar so she could _think_.

 

After reluctantly shelling out the four dollars for the same, slightly crappy, on-tap pale ale she always bought, thinking was exactly what Rey found she couldn’t do. Instead of forming cohesive thoughts, her mind kept returning to the image of Doctor Ren, of the things he’d said, the way he’d treated her as an equal and not just a curiosity. She kept seeing that mouth of his breaking into unexpected smiles, or even laughter, and her mind taunted her with the knowledge that she was the only person in the entire department, and possible on the whole campus, that he seemed to have any sort of working relationship with at this point. Never mind the fact that he had a point. Maybe she was letting her own insecurities get in the way of having a more meaningful experience with him as visiting professor. Maybe she could actually learn a thing or two from him, or add him to her stagnating network.

 

But that isn’t a good reason to excuse his behavior, she argued with herself.

 

She hoisted all his bad qualities out of the depths from which she’d momentarily buried them in the last week when she’d thought they might almost be friends, or at least respectful colleagues, and the list was long: he’d almost gotten physical with her once; he had a mean temper; he took things out on students and other professors; he never apologized; he took over classes with or without permission - not just hers; and he stretched her good graces to the breaking point time and again.

 

No, the fact that she might have an eensy-teensy crush on the man was no reason to lose her head and allow him all sorts of liberties, in the classroom _or_ out of it.

 

Oh, God, she thought. Where did that idea come from?

 

There was no way, ever, in a billion years, someone as _prestigious_ , though she hated to use the word to describe the idiot _,_ as Doctor Kylo Ren would even consider fraternizing with a lowly adjunct like herself. No matter _what_ he thought of her teaching methods or work ethic. So why in God’s name was she prepared to torture herself with thoughts of...of…

 

Dark eyes. The kind of eyes that inspired stereotypes about ‘pools of molten chocolate.’ Dark hair, falling out of a ridiculous hairstyle. The kind of hair that you could run your fingers through. And a wide mouth. The kind of mouth that was so fucking expressive it made her teeth sweat.

 

She was ready to lose herself in another self-inflicted guilt session over her incredibly inappropriate fantasy session at a crappy dive bar when her thoughts - such as they were - were interrupted.

 

The glass clunked down in front of her, white foam sloshing just over the lip.

 

“Pale ale for the lady,” the bartender said, and he winked at her this time.

 

She stared at him, gobsmacked. The second time in a month? What were the odds?

 

“Who?” she demanded, leaning forward over the bar and placing a hand on the man’s arm before he could disappear like he had tried to the last time.

 

“Hey. No need to get physical. It’s just a drink, Rey,” the man said, shaking her hand off. She flushed and mumbled an apology. She was too startled that the bartender actually knew her name to do much else.

 

He seemed appeased and gave his signature shrug. “Only one Ben Solo around this town, more’n likely.”

 

Rey eyed the drink for a moment as the bartender moved away. Then she lifted her head and glanced around the room. Did anyone here look like a Ben? Was anyone here someone who had been here the other week, when Ben Solo first graced her with a free drink?

 

For a moment, she thought she spied long, dark hair, curling over a collar that sat atop a broad pair of shoulders...but no. She didn’t have the time or patience to sit here fantasizing about two different men when one was an ass and the other a coward - not to mention she had no idea what he even looked like! With a sneer, Rey pulled the other drink towards her, put the glass to her lips, and tipped it back, all the while nursing her intense irritation and frustration with the world and men, in particular.

 

So it was emboldened by the one drink and still swiftly downing the other, Rey had a stroke of genius.

 

After finishing the ale, she took a napkin and rummaged in a jacket pockets for a pen. She found one and grinned triumphantly. Then she clicked it on and scribbled something quickly onto the napkin.

 

Rey sat back and observed her handywork. She carefully folded the napkin so the ink of its message wouldn’t be disturbed, scrawled something along the top, and left it sitting by the empty glass. Then she slid from her seat, fingered out a small tip for the bartender, and left, preemptively hunching her shoulders against the cold that she knew was coming.

 

____________________________________

 

“You did what?”

 

Finn and Poe spoke at the same time, with a few small differences. Finn’s voice expressed horror, while Poe was clearly a little impressed.

 

“I’m finally rubbing off on you, aren’t I?” he said, reaching over the back of the couch to ruffle Rey’s hair. Finn frowned at him.

 

“I can’t believe you’re encouraging her to give her number to total strangers!”

 

“I didn’t give him my number, Finn,” Rey said.

 

“Close enough.”

 

“No, not the same thing at all,” Rey argued. “I just left a note telling him that he could either deliver the drink in person next time, or not at all.”

 

“Ok, so no, not the same thing, but you left that note without even bothering to figure out which guy in that bar this Ben Solo is, or even bother to see who took the note! It could be anyone in that bar who took it, or read it, or whatever!” Finn’s voice dropped to a stage whisper. “You could be setting yourself up for a Lifetime movie, Rey.”

 

“Hey, that might be better than the oblivion in which I exist now,” she replied. She felt Finn’s frown deepen, rather than saw it, but she definitely caught the way Poe’s face fell.

 

“Rey. You do not exist in a state of oblivion. You have people who care about you. You have a job that matters, doing something you love. You aren’t drawing the best paycheck right now, but that could change if you wanted it to.”

 

Rey straightened up from her position of leisure upon her friends’ sofa, feeling suitably chastened.

 

“I know that.”

 

“Do you? Because Finn doesn’t think you do.”

 

Poe settled onto the couch beside her and Rey shot a look at Finn, then at him.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Poe, you didn’t have to bring that up,” Finn said, his voice a little sharp.

 

Rey looked from one to the other again, suddenly feeling nervous and more than a little snippy.

 

“No, no. Please, I’d love to be enlightened on how I’m really feeling about my life.”

 

Poe gave her the look he usually reserved for his dog when she’d stolen another piece of pizza, or chicken, or anything, and Rey smiled tightly.

 

“I can handle it, I promise.” She tried to ease the sudden tension in the room with a forced laugh. “I’m scrappier than I look!”

 

Poe sighed. “Finn...and I...are worried that you might be a little depressed.”

 

Rey shook her head. “I’m not depressed. Just because I’ve done something like leave a note for a guy at a bar...it’s not like reckless is outside my modus operandi, guys. Come on. This is me we’re talking about.”

 

Finn looked a little relieved, but still sad, and Rey shook her head again.  “No. No, no, no. I am not going to let you, my best friend, sit there and feel sorry for me and transfer those feelings of... _pity_...onto me and think I’m clinically depressed, or even situationally depressed. I’m not. I’m just tired.”

 

“Depression sometimes masquerades as exhaustion,” Finn said softly, and Rey knew it took so much courage for him to say that, for him to try and even begin to reason this out with her, that she thought her heart would burst from love for him.

 

“Finn...thank you. Thank you for being so worried for me. Thank you for checking on me last week, about Doctor Ren. Thank you for always bugging me to make sure I’m eating, _thank you_. Thank you for making me go out to a crappy bar that I don’t even like and drink ale I can’t stand just so I get out of my head.”  She scooted to the end of the couch and reached over to take his hands. “I know, better than anyone, that creativity, let alone being an educator, takes an enormous amount of energy, and I know how easy it is to get trapped by that vacuum, to get stuck in your head. But I promise, if I start to feel even a hint of what you’re suggesting coming on, I will come to you first.”

 

“You have to swear it,” Finn said, enfolding her hands with his.

 

Rey didn’t smile at him. She didn’t want to mar the solemnity of the moment; she wanted him to know that she meant it, this dear friend of hers who had seen his own terrible bouts with the disease and come back from them swinging and ready to live.

 

“I swear.”

 

Finn took a deep breath and nodded, accepting her word. Then he glanced behind her, at Poe, and, keeping hold of her hands firmly, looked her in the eyes again.

 

“Rey, we want you to move in with us.”

 

Rey tried to pull her hands from his.

 

“No. We’ve talked about this.”

 

“And we’re serious this time,” Poe piped up. Finn nodded again.

 

“We are, and we want you to move in. You shouldn’t have to be on your own, amongst strangers, when you have good friends right here. Besides, when the right job comes along for you, think of how much easier it will be to move out of this town if you’re living with us, than if you still have a lease somewhere.”

 

Rey started crying. She didn’t know what else to do, or say. All she could do was sit there and absorb that her friends - the ones she had joked about this very subject with so many times - really wanted her. They really wanted to help her and they really cared and they really believed that her circumstances would change.

 

Their confidence in her was what broke her, but it was also what had been reshaping her all along, she realized through her tears. And then Finn was hugging her, and Poe was ordering out, and she was suddenly making plans she’d held off on even dreaming about for years.

 

________________________________________________

 

What had been an uneasy truce with Doctor Ren faded to an uneasy silence and to say that the theatre department, its staff, and its students suffered for it was an understatement.

 

Students wandered around looking glum; professors poked their heads around doorways before ever entering rooms, for fear that Doctor Ren or even Professor Smith might be present; and it wasn’t until Valentine’s Day had passed and Spring Break was around the corner that even a smidgen of excitement and the department’s usual frenetic energy permeated its hallways and warrens.

 

They had previews in three weeks’ time, after the break, and then Opening night was two weeks past that. The show was running for two more weeks and then they’d be striking the set and resetting the lights and sound for the dance recital. Senior shows would take place in the tiny black box theatre and then exams were scheduled, followed by graduation, and then the semester would be over.

 

Rey didn’t feel the anxiety that had riddled her in the past when confronted with the schedule for the remainder of the year. Instead, she felt calm - in control, for the first time in a long time. She wasn’t going to sit and stew over her circumstances. She was going to fight for her _future_ . She was going to work with Doctor Ren to make this the best damned show the school had ever seen if it _killed_ her and then she was going to stick his name on her resume and get the hell out of this one-trick pony town.

 

It didn’t matter if it took her the full length of another school year to do it, either. She loved teaching, after all, and there were a few majors in her department that called her their favorite professor. So what if she was only three years older than some of them? So what if she made peanuts? The point of getting out wasn’t that she was better than the job, the point was that she was better than the circumstances. She deserved a full professorship. She deserved a chance at tenure. And if she couldn’t have those things here, at a small town college that she’d admittedly grown to love, then she deserved a professional career - even it if was in another small town. Even if it was in artsy suburbia.

 

Even if it was in Portlandia.

 

Rey smirked to herself and continued to sort through the lighting gels, holding one up in front of her test light every now and then to double check the saturation.

 

She was so absorbed in her thoughts and work that she didn’t hear Doctor Ren approaching until he was right behind her.

 

Her shoulders stiffened some when he cleared his throat and she spared him a glance. She was trying to be civil - after all, she wanted him as a reference...not that he knew it yet.

 

“Can I help you?” she asked as she slipped one of the cut gels back into its cover and refiled it.

 

She could hear him moving around some behind her, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of thinking he’d rattled her, and stubbornly remained focused on her work. When he finally spoke, she’d almost forgotten he was even there.

 

Almost.

 

“You’re going to have to cut some new ones,” he said and she turned her head to look at him again. He was standing in front of the storage for their mostly uncut sheets, eyeing the rolls clinically.

 

“I’m aware of that,” she replied. She looked back down at the portable file box in front of her and counted ahead a few folders with her fingers.  “But I’m not working on the gels for the show. The ones we can use for the show are already set aside. We’ve been switching the focus to lighting for the last week.” She paused and thought to herself, _as if you don’t know that perfectly well._ Aloud she said, “I’m just doing a little work on the rest of the collection right now.”

 

If Doctor Ren was embarrassed, he didn’t let it show. “You have time for that?” he queried and his voice had that oddly gentle tone it had when he’d seen into her during their last argument.

 

“No,” she replied, her tone cool. “Not really. But if I don’t do this now, then the whole room will be a mess when the show is over and the Dance department invades the theatre. I won’t have them mucking the entire system up like they did last year.”

 

“Ah.”

 

Rey shrugged at the noncommittal syllable and kept at it, although if she was being honest, her mind was beginning to stray from the task she’d set herself. His proximity was distracting her, the small sounds he made as he moved, inspecting the space...inspecting her. She began to feel unnerved, but there was no way she could let him see that. There was no way she could give him the satisfaction...his shoulder brushed hers and she started, then went completely still. He was standing right next to her, practically pressed against her side, in an effort to see what she was doing.

 

“Checking saturation levels?” he asked and Rey was astonished that she managed to keep her voice level when she replied.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do any need replacing?”

 

“It doesn’t matter if they do,” Rey said, forcing herself to breath evenly.

 

Doctor Ren made a small noise of dissatisfaction.

 

“Of course it matters. You can’t run a good program without good materials.”

 

“We’ve been managing so far,” Rey replied. She saw Doctor Ren reaching a hand up, as if to rifle through the files, himself, and she closed the lid of the box with a bang, forcing him to snatch his fingers back.

 

It was the wrong thing to do, apparently.

 

“God!” he exclaimed, shaking his hand a little. Rey wondered if she’d actually caught his fingers with the lid, but decided she didn’t feel guilty. Ok, maybe she felt a little guilty. But he was such an…

 

“What the fuck is your problem with me?” he asked, voice raised and angry...hurting. Ready to bite back.

 

“I don’t have a problem with you,” she said, crossing her arms and staring him down.

 

“You don’t...what the hell do you call that, just now? Or the half-dozen times you’ve been ready to take my head off for no reason? One minute you’re acting like you can stand me and the next you’re calling me names! If you don’t call that a problem I clearly have no idea what one is.”

 

“I call it a problem with your behavior, not with you,” she snarled.

 

“They’re the same fucking thing!”

 

“No, they aren’t!” she shouted back at him. “I was so excited when I heard you were coming here! Do you have any idea what working with a world-renowned production designer and director like you  could do for this department, or even for me? We were bloody thrilled! And then you show up and you act as if you’ve hung the moon and we should all know it...you’re not down to earth, it’s like working with a feral cat, you bully students and professors, and you say the most idiotic things sometimes that I have to wonder if you actually earned your degrees or just...slept your way to the top!” She took a deep breath and steamrolled over whatever he’d been about to say, completely ignoring those splotches of red that stained his smug, stupid face. “I mean, are you here to actually help, and teach, and _lead_ , or are you just considering this a crappy vacation from your real job? Because honestly, it doesn’t even seem like you’re that invested half the time.”

 

“I am invested, damn it,” he hissed at her and she glared at him defiantly.

 

“Prove it,” she said.

 

The words were barely out of her mouth before his hands were on her shoulders and his lips were meeting hers.

  
  
___________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was a three part story has grown to four parts. Thank you for your patience.
> 
> Also, don't ever touch your bartender, even with his or her permission. It's bad form and could get you kicked out. If there are any bartenders in my audience, I apologize for Rey's gaffe.


	3. Progressing

___________________________________________

 

 

Their mouths crashed into one another like they were fighting for dominion, but his mouth seemed to be the only weapon he was willing to use. Rey didn’t know if it was because of that very first argument they’d had, or if he was just naturally cautious with women, but she didn’t mind too much. Her hands went everywhere his weren’t willing to go and they were moaning into one another’s mouths before long. When his hands finally slid from her shoulders so that he could wrap his arms around her, Rey thought she would weep from the unexpected feelings of _home_ and _safe_ and _wanted._

 

So of course she pushed him away.

 

He let his arms fall away from her, but she could see his pupils were blown and he was breathing just as hard as she was.

 

She could also see a hint of dark circles under his eyes. She could see rumpled clothes and smudges on the lenses of his glasses. She could see stubble around his jaw, that he’d missed when shaving.

 

She could see he was exhausted.

 

She could see that she had been almost as unfair to him as he had been to her.

 

“Doctor Ren…”

 

“Don’t,” he mumbled, looking away and lifting a hand to his hair. “I suppose I should apologize for that. Not exactly what you meant about being invested, was it?”

 

“No,” she whispered, though whether in agreement with him, or disagreement, she wasn’t sure.

 

“Look. Please don’t report it. I’ll...I can go talk to the Dean first thing in the morning. He won’t be in his office right now…”

 

“You don’t have to report it,” she replied softly. Her heart was slowing down, weighted as it was with this new realization. “It’s as much my fault.”

 

He dared look at her with something like hope in his eyes. “You...you feel it too?”

 

“I don’t know what I feel,” she admitted. “But we can’t let whatever it is compromise the production, or the department.”

 

“Of course,” he murmured. He dug his fingers into his hair again and then let the hand fall. “I was trying, before,” he said and Rey looked at him keenly.

 

“I know you were. I’m sorry I keep overreacting to you. It’s hard not to. You just…”

 

“Drive you crazy?” he offered with a sad laugh. “I’ve heard that before.”

 

“That’s part of it,” Rey said. “But it’s not all there is, apparently. We’ve both been fooling ourselves, I guess.” She thought of nights spent tossing and turning, images of his eyes and hands and lips rattling around her head, and crossed her arms again, glancing away. “God, this sucks.”

 

“You can say that again,” he replied. They met and held one another’s gazes and Rey felt her cheeks heat under the intimacy of the look he was giving her. She suddenly wanted to ask him why her, ask him who that blonde in the bar had been, ask him how in hell she could possibly compare to anyone else in his life...but she held herself back and let him talk, instead.

 

“Rey...no one has to know, right now.”

 

She knew immediately what he was suggesting and the fact that he also implied there could be an _after all this is over_ did not escape her.

 

“We can’t,” she said.

 

“We could,” he corrected her, “if it’s...mutual.”  

 

She shook her head.

 

“No. Even if no one else found out, I’d know. I already know and it’s too much of a distraction and a risk. Not in my position.” She gave him an embarrassed look. “Besides, there were already rumors about us.”

 

“Rumors?” he asked and she wondered, for the first time, what had him so distracted in this tiny community that he hadn’t even noticed the looks students had been giving him, or the gossip being shared in the corners of the green room.

 

“Yes, and I’m not going to elaborate, so don’t ask me,” she said firmly. “Can we just...pretend this didn’t happen and try the almost-friendly colleagues thing again?”

 

“I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen,” he replied. “But yes, here at the theatre, I think I can manage to be more civil again.”

 

Rey felt a spike of irritation, but it was accompanied by an almost fond trickle of exasperation, and so she held out a hand to him, a forced smile on her face.

 

“Deal.”

 

He glanced from her hand to her face and back, then reached one hand up and grasped hers in return. His hand was large and warm and the sensation of his skin against hers sent a shiver down her spine, but she shook it firmly anyway.

 

“Deal,” he replied, and there was a grim determination to match her own in his eyes.

 

Rey felt with foreboding that Doctor Ren was not the type to let sleeping dogs lie.

  


_______________________________________

  
  


If Doctor Ren seemed a little more professional and a little less unhinged over the remainder of the week, no one seemed to really notice. Of course, the students seemed a little more at ease and Rey even came across one or two professors chatting casually with him, either in a hallway, or in the theatre itself. So perhaps it wasn’t that no one noticed, but that no one wanted to point out the obvious, for fear of tipping the balance the wrong way.

 

His clothes didn’t return to their previously pressed state, and the shadow of stubble on his face seemed to be growing rather than receding, but otherwise the change in him was strangely palpable to her. Perhaps it was just that after their encounter she was hyper aware of him, but she liked to think it was because the effort he was making was so obvious, for him.

 

She was trying to explain it to Finn and Poe Friday night at dinner, without giving away any of the grittier details of their last encounter, when Poe interrupted her.

 

“Bullshit. The only thing that’s obvious about this is that you two have a thing for each other.”

 

Rey stared at him in surprise, her mouth working, but no sound coming out, and Finn had smacked a hand over his eyes and was groaning.

 

“Here we go,” he grumbled to himself while Poe settled in on his theme.

 

“You clearly like him at least a little, otherwise you wouldn’t care so much. And the only reason that man is making any kind of effort is because he wants in your pants, Rey.”

 

“That’s not true!” Rey exclaimed, finding her voice even while she was blushing uncontrollably. Poe shook his head.

 

“It is,” he insisted. “Trust me. I’m a man, I know these things.”

 

“You’re gay!” she tried to point out, but he was undeterred.

 

“That has nothing to do with it. Do you think, when Finn and I first started seeing each other, that I actually wanted to get in line with him to go see the latest Star Trek movie, midnight showing? No. Of course not.” Finn made an indignant noise and Poe ignored him in order to make his point.  “But I did it anyway because I cared about him and it was important to him. That is exactly what Doctor Ren is doing right now.”

 

Finn rolled his eyes and then looked at Rey. “It’s just suspicious, is what Poe’s trying to say.”

 

“I wasn’t trying to say anything. I meant every word.” He speared some broccoli on his fork and shoveled it in his mouth, looking at Finn with one eyebrow raised defiantly.

 

Finn shook his head, but he was smiling. “Ok, so he meant every word. But how you take what Doctor Ren is doing now is up to you. If you want to believe the best of him, that’s great. It’s kind of nice to see you not as stressed out over the situation anymore. But just be careful. That’s all we - that’s all _I’m_ saying.”

 

Poe paused in his chewing to smile at them both and Rey felt herself smile in return, despite her aggravation.

 

“Fine. Understood. Now let’s...change the subject, or something.”

 

Poe swallowed and speared more food onto his fork. “Consider it changed,” he said magnanimously. “When are you moving in?”

 

“One more week,” she replied evenly, feeling relieved. “At the end of the break. My lease is technically up on the first of next month, but I mentioned some of my political views and then mentioned how an exchange student was looking for a room and so they’re letting me leave early as long as they keep the security deposit.”

 

“God, they sound like such asses,” Finn said and Rey nodded, her expression rueful.

 

“They kind of are. But it worked alright for a long time, so I’m grateful.”

 

“And now you have us!” Poe said and reached across the table to refill her glass.

 

“Now I have you,” Rey agreed.

 

From the doorway, Baby gave a mournful whine and Finn turned to look at her.

 

“You are on a diet, missy,” he said firmly. The dog gave him a baleful look, then got up, turned around, and sat down again, her back to him. Rey laughed.

 

“She just wanted to be included,” Poe cajoled and Finn shook his head.

 

“The minute she comes in here she’ll start begging,” he argued, “and you’re the one that’s always trying to discipline her!”

 

“I know, but she’s part of the family, too!”

 

Rey sat back and listened to her friends argue good-naturedly over their beloved pet, content to swirl the wine in her glass and simply drink in the atmosphere. She felt a pleasant, relaxed energy suffuse her and the rest of the evening passed in a blur of good food, good drinks, and good company. Her Spring Break was off to a stellar beginning.

  


_________________________________________

  
  


Rey saw hide nor hair of Doctor Ren all week. She thought it was strange, to say the least, but there was nothing that said professors couldn’t enjoy Spring Break, too, and she could only assume he had business to attend to in other areas of his life. He was, after all, world-famous. It wasn’t like his investment in this production went beyond wanting to maybe do a decent job in addition to trying to get into her pants, as Poe had so graciously put it.

 

But no, there she went, being unfair to him again. Just because she had decided to stay close to campus in order to pack and revise her portfolio and work on production design in every spare moment of her break didn’t mean Doctor Ren was any less devoted to the cause. Just because she was maybe a little disappointed that they hadn’t had any more fiery run-ins with one another, the kind that ended in a tangle of tongues and arms and legs, didn’t mean he hadn’t meant what he’d said.

 

_“I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen.”_

 

She shivered a little and gave her head a small shake. She really needed to get out more..maybe to that bar again. Maybe just to see if the third time would be the charm with Mr. Ben Solo.

 

The door to the sound booth clicked open and Rey paused in her inspection of the settings to toss a greeting over her shoulder. It was the Friday of Spring Break, one day before students would begin arriving back on campus, but there had been a few brave souls who decided to stay and work on projects, or earn extra credit, or even just relax in the unusually calm, sleepy atmosphere the college took on during the longer vacation. Rey knew her assistant sound technician was one of those students and assumed he’d arrived for the additional tutorial he’d scheduled before the break had begun.

 

Except the voice that returned her greeting was much deeper, a little surly, and a lot exhausted. She turned her head and smiled perfunctorily, refusing to display how off guard Doctor Ren had caught her.

 

“I didn’t think I’d see you until Sunday night’s rehearsal,” she said as she took him in, before turning back to the board. She tried to ignore the way her heart sped up and focus instead on how tired he looked. Whatever he’d been doing over the break, it hadn’t been sleeping.

 

“I had to come back,” was all he said by way of explanation and Rey, not wanting to pry, let him have his silence. With a sigh, he collapsed his tall frame into one of the chairs at the board and watched her work.

 

After a few minutes, she looked over at him again only to find him fast asleep. His chin was tucked down against his chest, his dark hair was falling forward over his cheeks and forehead, and his eyebrows, knit together as they were, moved up and down with whatever dream was plaguing him. Something inside her melted. Not the ice in her veins...but something else. Something that made her feel horribly sad for him and overwhelmingly happy at the same time, that he felt safe enough in her presence to sleep…

 

 _Or he’s that exhausted_ , she reminded herself. Still, she couldn’t help smiling a little and she took the jacket she’d draped over the back of her own chair and nestled it around his shoulders. They were covered only in one of his signature holey sweaters and her own jacket barely rounded over his shoulders, but it was better than nothing. Then she settled back into her seat and got back to work.

 

Twenty minutes later, her assistant tech showed up and Rey found herself grudgingly shaking Doctor Ren awake. While what she wanted to do more than anything was let him sleep, this wasn’t the place for it and she had an obligation to her student. He smiled endearingly at them both, blinking rapidly as he tried to wake up enough to remember how to walk, then lumbered from the room, yawning, and mumbling his farewells and barely-meant admonishments to work hard.

 

It wasn’t until after he’d gone that Rey remembered he’d had her jacket over one arm. She shrugged to herself and tried to focus on the student’s questions. There was no helping it. She’d just have to get it later and suffer the walk back to her house, or maybe he’d realize he had it and leave it below.

 

An hour after that, Rey was bidding goodbye to the student, who looked much happier about his job for the upcoming show, and locking up. She carefully shut everything down, shouldered her bag, and pulled the door shut. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she pulled the second door closed and made sure it was locked. She glanced about the immediate area and when she didn’t spot her jacket, she sighed and rolled her eyes. Nothing would ever just be easy for her it seemed. Still, at least it had been for a good cause. With a smile on her face, Rey looked out over the theatre one last time.

 

The ghost light was burning brightly from the stage and with a feeling of completion, she flicked off the lights that lit the alcove behind her. Immediately, most of the space was plunged into an inky darkness, save that one beacon of light. Rey felt behind her for the door, ready to push it open and leave the theatre through the dimly lit lobby, when she stopped short.

 

Out in the audience, just a few meters from where she stood, a hulking shape was rising out of the rows of seats, the figure backlit and pitch black. Rey was frozen to the spot, her heart beginning to race, and she had to stifle the sudden urge to scream. Surely it was just a lost student, or a janitor, or, or…

 

“Rey?” came that haunting baritone and she let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

 

“Doctor Ren. Oh, my God. You scared the shit out of me.” She didn’t mind admitting it, now that the first fright was past. She found she was laughing nervously and the adrenaline left her all at once, forcing her to lean back against a wall.

 

Half in shadows as he was, she could see him raking a hand through his hair and his air seemed sheepish enough.

 

“Sorry,” he said, his voice rough with sleep. “I was just so tired. I figured it was better to rest a little more before getting back in my car. Plus, your coat,” he said, holding out the item in question.

 

“Of course,” Rey replied, a nervous laugh escaping her. She hesitated and then gestured behind her to the door. “Are you ready to go?”

 

He didn’t say anything and instead stood there, blinking into the darkness and swaying on his feet. For a moment, Rey worried he was going to collapse from exhaustion and she’d have to drag him from the theatre, or else sit with him half the night until he woke up.

 

It didn’t happen, though, and after another great, big yawn, he nodded at her.

 

“Yes. Lead the way,” he said. Rey let out the breath she’d been holding and turned around, opening the door into the dim lobby. The security lights played in purples and blues across the faux-marble flooring and Rey wrinkled her nose.

 

“I hate LEDs too,” Doctor Ren said from beside her. She looked up at him.

 

“I wouldn’t say I hate them...they have their uses.”

 

“It was all over your face the minute you saw the light from them.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes and looked ahead again as they came to the exit. “Do you ever wait for someone to give their opinion, or do you always assume you know exactly what they’re thinking?”

 

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “It does make my life easier.”

 

“I’d think it would make your life harder,” she groused, then snagged her jacket from the large hand that still held it, bunched tightly.

 

He looked down at her, startled, then rubbed a hand over his jaw and glanced out the doors into the night while he waited for her to shrug the item on quickly.

 

“You don’t have to wait for me,” she said, zipping it up.

 

“I know,” he replied, looking back at her, one eyebrow raised. He changed the subject. “It’s pretty cold out.”

 

“We’re supposed to get one more snow this coming week,” Rey replied, putting both hands on the door and pushing it open. A gust of frigid air hit her at first, then was abruptly cut off as Doctor Ren squeezed out the door past her. He stood in front of her, blocking the wind, and she felt every complaint die on her tongue as she took in his solid form, hunched against the cold, _sheltering her_.

 

Her mouth went dry.

 

“I know we’re supposed to get one more snow,” he told her and his voice had a sudden urgency she wasn’t sure she’d heard before. “But I wasn’t trying to make small talk about the weather.”

 

Rey opened her mouth to spout something back at him, something frivolous, but he stared her down with those bloody, molten pools of chocolate, and steamrolled over whatever irrelevant frippery she thought she was going to say.

 

“I was _trying_ to lead into asking if I could give you a ride back to your apartment, but you never seem content to let me just help you, and I don’t think you understand that I’m not doing this to just be nice. I’m doing this to help _myself_ , because I’m trying to be a better person, because some goody-two shoes on this campus shamed me into it.”

 

“Oh.” Rey’s voice sounded awfully small and light to her ears, drowned out as it was by the beat of her heart pounding through her veins. She stared up at him, eyes wide, meeting his gaze while their breath puffed out in discordant, rapidly fading clouds. She swallowed hard...and then stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his.

 

He hummed in surprise and the vibration tickled her nose, but a moment later he was wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight and she was lost to the singular sensation of his full lips on hers: soft and a little dry, and kneading her mouth like they had all night, all the time in the world.

 

Soft and slow. Chests heaving in and out. Air moving past each other’s cheeks - breath and wind suddenly indiscernible. Everything else was cold, but their lips were warm and his chest was warm and once she worked her fingers into his hair, those were warm too.

 

It was a chaste kiss, but it spoke volumes of want and need and promised hours of pleasure if she’d just give in, if she’d just take that next step.

 

Rey was surprised when he drew away, landing just a few more gentle kisses along her lips and cheek. He looked down at her and when the edging of fog faded from his glasses, she suddenly saw that his eyes weren’t dark at all, they were luminous - like the night sky. Lit from within by a hundred thousand stars.

 

She didn’t need to ask why he’d stopped - she thought she knew, well enough. But his explanation, after he’d looked his fill and then held her to him in another close embrace, defied her expectations.

 

“You said you didn’t want this right now,” he murmured. “I want to respect that. I want to respect _you_...so, so much. You deserve better.”

 

Rey felt her breath catch in her throat, then tried to speak. “I don’t know what I want, I guess,” she said, her voice hoarse.

 

He gave her one more tight hug, then stood back. “I’m not very good at this anyway, but the worst parts of my personality have been...exacerbated lately.” He gave her a wry smile. “So I’m not surprised if I’d added to your confusion.”

 

She looked him over, heart a mess of conflicting emotions, then finally gestured behind him, to where the parking lot waited.

 

“Well, why don’t we start with you giving me that ride home?”

  


__________________________________________

  
  


It was a short drive, but it felt longer. He drove so carefully, partly because of his exhaustion, and partly because of the ice that had formed in patches along the road. Rey didn’t mind, though. She was just as tired, honestly, and found herself reluctant to leave him after feeling like she was just beginning to puzzle him out...and puzzle herself out.

 

They were almost to her house when he spoke again. The heater was going full blast and Rey kept holding her hands in front of the vents and then rubbing them together, so when he lowered it in order to talk, she almost glared at him and cut him off...almost. The look on his face stopped her.

 

“My father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer late last year. Stage four.”

 

Rey’s heart sank. “Oh my God. I am so sorry,” she said.

 

“Thank you,” he replied quietly, “but I’m not telling you so you’ll feel sorry. I just...that’s why I took the position here this semester. My mom’s job keeps her pretty busy and although we haven’t been close in the last few years, I wanted to be closer to them. To him. They live about forty-five minutes away - they moved to be closer to the hospital that’s treating him. I’ve been commuting to and from.”

 

He cleared his throat and Rey stayed silent, letting him speak, but he seemed to be done with the subject.

 

“Is this the address?” he asked her, nodding out the window to the large home on the tree-lined sidestreet. Rey nodded.

 

“My last night here,” she murmured. She started to say something else, to try and give some  comfort, but Doctor Ren cut her off.

 

“You’re moving?” he asked sharply and she nodded, a little taken aback by his tone.

 

“Yes. My gay boyfriends decided they wanted me closer,” she deadpanned and he jerked his head around to stare at her, before laughter broke from his lips.

 

“Sorry,” he said. “Sorry. It’s none of my business where you live. I just…”

 

“I’m not leaving the area yet,” she said gently.

 

“But you want to someday?”

 

“If it’s in the cards,” she said as cheerfully as possible. His face was drawn again and he was staring out at the house morosely.

 

“Listen, Doctor Ren…”

 

“Kylo,” he corrected her softly.

 

“Kylo.” She offered him a smile he didn’t see and continued. “If you ever want to talk about your dad, or the situation…”

 

“I don’t,” he said. “I just wanted you to know. I don’t know why.”

 

“Was...is that where you were this week? Just staying with them?”

 

“Yes,” he said and his voice was suddenly hoarse with unshed tears.

 

“And it was a bad week,” she filled in. “That’s why you had to come back.”

 

“Yes,” he repeated and looked at her, finally. “To see you.”

 

Rey thought of so many things in that moment. The ways he had pissed her off, the ways he would probably continue to piss her off, the blonde she still knew nothing about. Her own plans for a job, for moving, for a future in which she could not just survive, but thrive. The mysterious Ben Solo...and the way she’d built up the idea of a mystery man when there was a real one right in front of her.

 

Both his hands rested on the steering wheel and Rey reached over and laced her fingers through his, and brought his hand down to rest with hers on the middle console. He looked down at their hands and she gave his a small squeeze.

 

“I’m glad you did,” she said.

 

When he looked up at her, his eyes were luminous again and the pounding of Rey’s heart felt more like the swift rushing of a river that was washing everything old away than the terrifying drumbeat it had been in the past. She gave him a small smile and he did his best to return it, lips working in a poor imitation.

 

“Thank you,” he said.

 

“Thanks for the ride,” she replied. “I’ll see you around the theatre tomorrow?”

 

“Are you sure you want to?” he asked, and he _was_ smiling now, but there was a hesitance in his tone of voice that made Rey want to stay in the car with him forever.

 

“Absolutely,” she said instead, smiling brightly at him. “Will you be ok to get home?”

 

“I’m not too far from here,” he said.  “Get inside. I’ll wait.”

 

Rey let go of his hand to open the door and climb from the car. She dashed across the mounds of snow on the sidewalk, bag bouncing at her side, and hurriedly unlocked the front door to let herself in. Then she locked the door and dashed up the stairs to her small room that overlooked the front of the house. When she got to her window and pulled the curtain back, his car was still sitting at the curb. It was only when she flicked the light on and waved enthusiastically that the car slowly pulled away and drove off into the night.

  
  
__________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It grew a fifth part. On the bright side, it's finished! So you won't have long to wait.


	4. Staying

__________________________________________________

  


Although they didn’t come close to kissing again for the remainder of that weekend, or into the following week, Rey couldn’t help feeling like their interactions were charged, and if they just reached out to touch one another, they might set off a series of sparks that would end up taking the whole theatre down in flames.

 

Doctor Ren... _Kylo_...had clearly meant what he’d said. He wanted to respect her, wanted to honor her wishes...wanted to prove to her he was serious, not just about her, but about the job, about the school, and about the future of these students. Not to mention, a relationship with him - whether it was just a mutually beneficial relationship, or something more - would ruin any thoughts she’d had of asking him for a reference.

 

Except...respect wasn’t going to satisfy the aching, empty place in her chest. And honor might make her heart swell with fondness and pride, but it wasn’t going to keep her from feeling incredibly alone when she wrapped her sheets tightly around herself at night and tried to sleep.

 

It wasn’t going to keep the circles beneath Kylo’s eyes from deepening, or provide him the brief respite he needed as he tried to reconcile with his family and care for his father while both slipped away, entirely out of his control.

 

And while having a stellar  reference like Doctor Kylo Ren on her resume might earn her a better paying job, she didn’t have any guarantees it would be her dream job, or that it would even last...and she kind of thought that at this point she’d take another two years of adjunct work and living hand to mouth than _not knowing_.  If her childhood and young adulthood had taught her anything, it was to take the little chances when they appeared, because they wouldn’t be around forever.  Those years may have left their own set of scars on her soul and flaws in her character, but she thought she remembered that much, at least, about the transient nature of happiness.

 

So Rey found she was nearly ready to snap when, two weeks later, on the eve of previews, Kylo stopped her after rehearsals and said he wanted to talk.

 

“Would it be alright if we had dinner together?” he asked, his cheeks sporting red and his manner nervous. He cleared his throat and Rey nearly dropped the prop she’d been carrying. He leaned forward quickly and caught the other side of the chair just in time.

 

“Um...sure?” she replied, grappling to get hold of her end of the furniture again. “Just please don’t tell me you’ve made a last minute change…”

 

“Nothing like that,” he hastened to reassure her. She nodded her head towards the wings and he started moving, still holding the other side of the chair. “I can’t say I’m in love with the pagoda anymore, but it is kind of too late to change anything.”

 

Rey stopped short, jerking him to a stop, and stared at him over the top of the chair. “Tell me you’re joking.”

 

He shrugged as best he could while holding up the furniture and then started moving again. Rey followed.

 

“It’s just cold feet. I always get them about now.”

 

“Before previews?”

 

“Yeah, or right around Hell Week,” he admitted. He stopped short, suddenly aghast, and Rey gave an “oof” from running into the chair yet again.

 

“I wasn’t trying to say - you’ve done an amazing job with the design and construction, please, believe me -”

 

“Fine!” Rey bit out. “Can we just set this stupid prop down and get the stage reset for act one?”

 

Kylo’s face grew more splotchy and he ducked his head as they shuffled the chair around into its storage spot offstage. Rey huffed and stood back, making sure they hadn’t damaged it, then turned back to the stage, swiping a lamp off a nearby countertop as she went.

 

“Is that scene one?” he asked and she rolled her eyes before setting it carefully next to its mark on the stage.

 

“You had something you wanted to talk about?” Rey asked, redirecting the conversation before the exhausted and confused Doctor Ren could redesign the entire production. He walked over to another piece and waited for her to join him before he picked up the thread of their previous conversation.

“Yes,” he said. “Over dinner.”

 

Together they hefted another piece of furniture - a bench - and made their way offstage again.

 

“And it isn’t about the production.”

 

“No,” he said.

 

“No, it is about the production, or no, it isn’t -”

 

“Rey.”

 

She bit her lip. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. You make me laugh,” he admitted and the tips of his ears were pink.

 

“Well that’s something,” she replied. They set the piece down and regarded one another for a moment.

 

“Is tomorrow night ok?” he asked.

 

Rey picked up another prop and made her way back onto the set. “Sure. It’ll be late, though, after the preview. I’m not sure what’s open at that hour.”

 

That wasn’t true. As a theatre rat, she knew exactly what places were open at what times, but she was reluctant to end their conversation. She felt sure he knew it too, but he didn’t accuse her of lying and instead smiled at her after following her back out, snagging a lighter prop on his own this time.

 

“I’ll figure something out,” he called over his shoulder and then he shot her a devilish grin. She’d never seen him look like that before and it sent warmth pooling to her belly and flushing her cheeks. She stared at him as he moved away, her hands still hovering over another prop, when the spell of watching that broad back and lumbering gait was abruptly broken.

 

“Professor Smith, someone moved the tape for the tea set in scene one!” came the whining voice of a student, swiftly followed by sound of bickering amongst the stage crew and actors who had remained behind. She turned around quickly to help them, her cheeks still flushed, and more than one student gave her an odd look.

 

Rey was certain more rumors were in her future.

 

______________________________________

  


True to his word, after some rushed whispers and hasy texts during the preview the following evening, Kylo arrived at Finn & Poe’s home at ten-thirty that night, balancing two pizza boxes and a build-your-own six pack of ales.

 

Of course, Poe beat Rey to the door, but only because she’d barely gotten home ten minutes before, herself.

 

“It’s awfully late for suitors,” Poe drawled and Kylo’s face went splotchy while he smiled nervously. He didn’t try to correct Poe and instead hefted the pizza boxes.

 

“I come bearing gifts?”

 

“Finn, what do you think?” Poe called over his shoulder and was joined by his boyfriend a moment later. The two men stood shoulder to shoulder, blocking Kylo’s entrance and blocking Rey’s line of sight. She glared at the backs of their heads before finally ducking around them.

 

“Come in, please,” she said, but Finn and Poe didn’t move.

 

“I don’t know…” Finn was saying, his brows scrunched together.

 

“It is pizza. We like pizza,” Poe pointed out. Finn looked from Rey to Kylo and back, decided he either liked or understood what he saw on their faces, and stepped back.

 

“We do like pizza,” he said. “And so does Baby. Come in, Doctor Ren.”

 

“I’ll take those,” Rey said and Kylo handed over the six-pack.  “I’ll pour us some glasses.” The bottles were still cold from the all-night grocery store he’d managed to hit up just before they stopped selling beer and wine and Rey hollered back at the three of them as she walked to the kitchen. “Ice?”

 

There was a chorus of various answers and she had just set the pack down on the counter when Poe joined her in the kitchen. She was a little surprised to see him and said as much. He shrugged and helped her pull glasses down from the cabinets.

 

“They’re in the living room. Finn has this covered,” he said and Rey gave him the side eye. He laughed and began breaking up some ice. “Trust me,” he reassured her. “He’s better at this than I am.”

 

“Interrogating people?”

 

“No, at knowing you.”

 

Rey stopped pouring and looked at him. “Poe, you know me.”

 

“Not like Finn does, not when it comes to a situation like this.”

 

She went back to pouring as Poe passed her another glass. “And what situation is this, exactly?”

 

“Formerly douche-bag professor changes his ways for love of a beautiful young woman who’s been through too much in her brief lifetime.”

 

Rey conceded his point. “Some of that may be true. But no one has said anything about love and that still doesn’t mean you get to terrorize him unnecessarily,” she added.

 

“So you do care about him,” Poe said. Rey finished filling the glasses for the men and then reached for one of the two ciders in the box and popped the lid off. She drank straight from the bottle.

 

“That bad, huh?” Poe said, laughing some.

 

“Shut up,” Rey replied. “But there’s more to him than the asshole he was at the start of the semester.” Her voice ended quietly and Poe gave her a discerning look as he pulled out paper plates and napkins.

 

“You haven’t told us everything, have you?”

 

Rey flushed and shrugged uncomfortably, then gestured to the door. “Shall we save him?”

 

Poe raised an eyebrow. “Whom are we saving?” he asked.

 

“Shut _up_ ,” Rey grumbled. She stuck the plates and napkins under one arm, grabbed a glass in addition to her bottle, and headed for the living room. Poe followed closely, still chuckling and a glass in each hand.

 

Whatever they’d expected to find, they were completely surprised by the sight of Baby sitting at Kylo’s feet with him reaching one hand down to pet her absentmindedly, while he and Finn chattered animatedly...about Rey.

 

“I mean, the way the man used light and shadows was incredible, so evocative, and Rey’s reproduced the technique almost exactly -”

 

“If you think her skills are amazing now, you should have seen her doing the same things with second hand equipment at a public school in one of the worst districts in the state!”

 

“I can only imagine. I mean, her ability to absorb the information and then disseminate it in the physical realm is something I haven’t seen in a long time.”

 

“I’m really surprised Finn didn’t bother telling you about the time I overheated the lights at said public school and nearly set the stage curtains on fire,” Rey said, setting a glass down in front of Kylo before plopping into a nearby chair and tossing the plates and napkins onto the coffee table.

 

Baby turned her head to sniff at said paper-ware, then moved her head back under Kylo’s hand haughtily. His fingers resumed their motion and the dog’s tongue lolled out. Rey stifled a giggle and took another drink while Finn tried to defend her.

 

“It was only a little smoke! Come on, it was your first show. You never did it again, did you?”

 

“Only because the theatre teacher insisted on the buddy system after that.”

 

“No, no,” Poe interjected. “I’ve heard this one.” He turned to Kylo. “The reason it never happened again was because Rey checked out every book on electrical and lighting she could from the library and then YouTube tutorialed herself into an electrician. Let me see if I’ve got this straight - she proceeded to rewire the entire theatre over the course of the summer, because she didn’t have anything better to do.”

 

Finn was nodding vigorously and Rey sank down further into her chair, but when Kylo looked over at her, his brows raised and the beginnings of a grin on his face, she shot up again.

 

“How about this pizza?”

 

___________________________________________

  


It was past midnight by the time Kylo left and Rey’s head was reeling from a combination of exhaustion and utter astonishment. Poe had gone to bed not long after they’d polished off one of the pizzas and he’d taken Baby with him.

 

“She doesn’t need any more pizza crust, I promise,” he’d said. “No matter how many times she points those big brown eyes at you.”

 

They’d let him go and continued to chat and eat and drink cheerfully, although Kylo had stopped at one glass of ale.

 

“I’m driving and anyway, it isn’t my favorite.”

 

Finn had given him an odd look at that, but Rey had merely shrugged and tipped back the rest of her cider.

 

“Me either,” she’d said, and Kylo had looked surprised for a moment before he’d smoothly changed the subject.

 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since the break...the semester is almost over, so the school year is almost over, and I know you said you’d like to move on from here eventually…”

 

“You’re offering her a job,” Finn said, almost accusingly, but his eyes were shining brightly.

 

“Sort of,” Kylo admitted. He clasped his hands together and leaned over his knees, looking at Rey pointedly. “It wouldn’t be a job with me and you’d still need to apply, send in your portfolio, be interviewed. And the man it’s with is...more demanding than I am.”

 

“I don’t see how that’s possible,” Rey said, snorting a little as she continued to pick at a piece of pizza.

 

Finn frowned at her. “He’s serious, Rey.”

 

“I am,” Kylo said earnestly.

 

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Finn said, exasperated. Kylo shrugged and started to run a hand through his hair, seemed to think better of the pizza sauce and grease on his fingers, and reached for a napkin instead. Finn turned back to Rey.

 

“He’s offering you a chance at a job,” he said, voice patient and eyes fierce. “This could be what you’ve been waiting for.”

 

Rey looked at him and then back at Kylo. How could she say no without revealing everything that had happened between her and Doctor Ren? Finn was oblivious - not completely, he and Poe knew they probably liked each other - but she had been less than forthcoming about the evolution of whatever it was that lay between herself and Kylo. She couldn’t do that to Finn right now. Not with it so late, and Poe already asleep. Not after he and Poe had been so generous with her, no questions asked. Not after the history she and Finn shared...the way he knew things about her she sometimes wondered if she’d ever tell anyone else.

 

“I’m not saying it’s a sure thing,” Kylo tried to reiterate. Rey smiled softly at him.

 

“I understand. Looks like I’ll have to take my chances.” She hesitated, then said softly, “Thank you,” because it was a kind gesture, regardless of where his real intentions lay.

 

“Don’t thank me yet,” he replied, but he was grinning now and Finn was too. They all laughed and if Rey’s was a little uncomfortable, no one said anything.

 

Then Kylo was unfolding his long frame from the couch and Finn was offering to clean up and shooing Rey towards the door with him, encouraging her to see him out. He winked at her as he swept from the living room, boxes and plates piled high, and Kylo tried to protest, but to no avail. Rey shrugged and gestured to the hallway.

 

“I’ll see you out, I guess,” she said wryly and Kylo looked at her keenly.

 

“You don’t have to,” he said. She shook her head.

 

“I do, trust me. Finn would have my head otherwise. Mr. Manners.”

 

“He’s...great,” Kylo said. He shoved his arms into his coat and shrugged it over his shoulders, then stuck his hands in his pockets. “They both are.”

 

“Still think there’s something going on?” she asked, one eyebrow raised.

 

He blushed and Rey wondered if the rest of his skin got splotchy, too. Kylo cleared his throat and changed the subject.  “I’ll email you a link to Hux’s production site. Like I said, he really is the worst to work with, but he’s also one of the best in the industry right now.”

 

Rey made a noncommittal noise. They moved to the door slowly and Rey stopped him as he put his hand on the doorknob. She glanced toward the kitchen and lowered her voice.

 

“Look, Kylo, can we talk about this?”

 

He glanced down at her in surprise and nodded. Following her line of sight to the kitchen, he found her gaze again and then lowered his voice. “Walk me to my car?”

 

The deep rumble went straight to her bones, but Rey couldn’t let herself get distracted now. She dashed over to the hall closet, snagged a coat that wasn’t hers, and shrugged it on. Then she slipped her feet into the worn pair of rainboots by the door. Kylo looked her over almost fondly, then opened the door and she followed him outside.

 

He was parked in a guest space not too far away and although the smell of Spring was in the air, there was still a bitingly cold wind whipping through the trees. Rey was shivering by the time they reached his car and he turned and leaned back against it, watching her.

 

His voice was almost as cool as the wind when he spoke.

 

“I’m assuming you didn’t want to follow me so we could make out in my car.”

 

“Tempting, but no,” Rey bit out. “You know I can’t accept this offer.”

 

“I knew you were going to say that,” he murmured. “Rey, I didn’t get you a job. You still have to apply. There’s no guarantee -”

 

“You’ve talked about me with him, haven’t you?”

 

“Yes, but -”

 

“Can you honestly tell me you would’ve done the same if we hadn’t...if we weren’t...whatever it is we are?”

 

“What are we, Rey?” Kylo asked slowly. “A couple of kisses and a mutual attraction doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship.”

 

Rey felt like she’d been slapped. “But...you…”

 

“I told you I respect you. That I want to show you I respect you, and this job. You deserve, no, you are good enough at this job to earn a fucking Tony someday and that’s what I’m trying to give you the opportunity to do. Could we be something? _Yes_ ,” he said fiercely, straightening up and forcing her to look up at him. “Are we something? _No._ So just accept the introduction to an asshole like Hux who can help you on your way to the stratosphere and don’t overthink this, damn it!”

 

Rey pressed her lips together in a thin line and returned his stare. She threw her shoulders back, clearly ready to argue, and Kylo ran a hand up into his hair.

 

“Don’t, Rey. Please. I have not been doing my damnedest to keep my hands off you just for you to decide you still have a valid reason not to accept this offer.”

 

“You don’t control me,” she said and he sighed, took his glasses from his face, and wiped at the lenses with a corner of his scarf.

 

“I know that,” he said. “And I know you want to make your own way. I don’t blame you. But this _is_ you making your own way.”

 

“How? How is you setting up an interview for me making my own way?”

 

“One, it’s not an interview, and two, I started talking to Hux about you long before whatever _this_ is,” he gestured between them with his glasses, “happened.”

 

“Prove it,” Rey said, her voice surly and shaky with the cold.

 

“No,” Kylo replied calmly, slipping the glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “It’s cold, it’s late, and we both need to go home and go to sleep.”

 

He started to reach towards her and she stepped back and up onto the sidewalk. They regarded each other silently.

 

“I’ll think about it,” Rey finally said. She looked as if she wanted to say something else, but thought better of it and shut her mouth. Then she turned around and walked back towards the town house she called home these days, leaving Kylo Ren to look after her like watching her walk away was the saddest thing in the world, in that moment.

  
  
_____________________________________________

  
  


Finn was waiting for her, idly drying a glass, when she walked back inside. She took one look at his face, threw her hands up in the air, and stomped into the living room to finish cleaning up. Finn pushed away from the doorframe he’d been leaning against and followed her.

 

“Either you walked him out in order to kiss him silly, or to turn him down out of hearing range. Which is it?”

 

Rey picked a crumpled napkin off of the coffee table and practically snarled her answer.

 

“It’s none of your business, is it?”

 

“Rey, Poe and I are trying to help you, but you’ve got to want to help yourself.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” She ducked down to check under the furniture for stray crumbs and napkins.

 

Finn shook his head at her. “You know what it means. Poe and I aren’t idiots, Rey. You two like each other and you’re worried that means this opportunity is twisted somehow, like it comes with expectations.”

 

“That’s because people don’t do things out of the goodness of their hearts - there’s no such thing!” Rey exclaimed, standing abruptly. “Everyone expects something from you! Everyone wants a piece of you, no matter what you think, or want, or...or…” She broke off, realizing with horror that she was crying and Finn was looking at her like he had the first time they’d ever met, in a group therapy session and she’d haltingly told the room in not so many words about her current foster situation. Or the time he’d found her at the back of the Shop class, washing her hands over and over in an effort to get that boy’s germs off her. Or the time he’d found her at their bus stop, sitting stiffly in the cool morning air, wearing every piece of clothing she owned and a duffle bag slung over one shoulder.

 

So when Finn set the glass down and went to hug her, she let him...for a few seconds. Then she carefully broke his embrace and stepped away.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, wiping at her cheeks. “I should have told you.”

 

“No, you didn’t need to. But I wish you’d wanted to, or felt like you could.”

 

Rey thought of how he hadn’t asked questions when she’d asked him to go to her social worker with her, of how he’d kept quiet when the boy from Shop had been found next to his locker, nursing a broken nose and ego. She thought of how he’d pestered her constantly over the years to take care of herself, to move in with him, to try for every dream she could dream.

 

She thought of how Kylo had been so obviously keeping his distance, trying to maintain a professionalism neither really wanted to feel towards one another just then. Of how he’d he’d been surly, and awful, but unexpectedly kind and maybe, in his own way, generous.

 

“I’m sorry,” she repeated to Finn. He placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently.

 

“Don’t be. I appreciate it, but I’m not the one you probably need to apologize to, right now.”

 

“I...I can’t, yet. But I will,” she added quickly when Finn frowned. “I just really need to think about all this first. And the show opens in a week and a half,” she pointed out. “If I owe Doctor Ren anything, it’s my best work, and my students’ best.”

 

“I understand,” Finn replied. “Just...talk to me if you need to, ok? Don’t ever think I’d judge you. Please. You know me better than that.”

 

“I do,” she said softly. Then she closed the distance between them again and hugged him close. He returned the embrace tightly and Rey hoped to God she could do right by his confidence in her. If nothing else, she owed Finn that much.

 

And if Doctor Ren had the confidence in her that he seemed to profess, then she owed him just as much.

  
  
_________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go. Also, Happy Halloween! This is legit my favorite day of the year. 
> 
> Chapter title is meant in terms of "He stayed his hand" and not "She stayed over." We're not there, yet. Har, har.
> 
> EDIT: A previously incomplete version of this chapter was posted. Many apologies. The final section of this chapter has been added after that horrible negligence on my part.


	5. Mending

_________________________________________

 

  


True to Doctor Ren’s word, he sent her all the information she needed about Armitage Hux - a name with which she was definitely familiar. Rey took any downtime she had during Hell Week to revise her portfolio and by the time the dress rehearsal rolled around, followed quickly by opening night, she had the interview Doctor Ren hadn’t guaranteed scheduled.

 

He’d steered somewhat clear of her in the intervening time and Rey was grateful, but she had to admit she almost missed the strange tension that had developed between them. So when he walked up to her just as she was descending from the rigging after checking some of the backdrops’ ropes and wires, she wasn’t sure how to feel. That same pull was still there, confusing her, making her want to reach out and touch him, but her mind was full of prompts and cues and she couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than the show for the life of her...which was probably for the best.

 

“Rey...Professor Smith,” he mumbled as a student passed them, too closely. Her expression softened and she did reach out then, took hold of his upper arm, and steered him away from the area. She didn’t miss the fact that he’d dressed a little more nicely for opening night than his usual fare: a dark grey sweater without any telltale raveling or holes, his black dress shoes had a shine on them, and he’d actually shaved. She also didn’t miss the fact that the arm she was holding was a line of solid muscle.

 

“Doctor Ren...Kylo,” she finally murmured in response when she stopped to face him. He huffed some and it might’ve been a laugh, almost.

 

“I spoke to Hux recently,” he said, and her shoulders stiffened.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yes, he told me he set up an interview. Listen, whatever he tells you when you meet him, ignore it. He said he’d gotten your portfolio and he -”

 

“Stop,” Rey said, holding her hands up. “I don’t want to hear it. No unfair advantages. If he’s an asshole to everyone, let him be one to me. I can handle myself.”

 

Kylo regarded her quietly, a smile quirking one corner of his mouth. “Ok,” he said after a moment’s pause. “You win, Rey Smith. I’ll keep out of it.” He glanced around the wings, at everything they’d accomplished in just a few months, and looked back at her. “They’re going to miss you around here,” he said.

 

Rey started to protest and he waved it away. “Trust me. You were never going to last here, anyway. You’re too good. This school couldn’t afford to keep you on a tenure track.”

 

“Stop,” she said more softly and he looked at her keenly.

 

“Never,” he said vehemently and his eyes threatened to drown her in their intensity. After a few seconds, he seemed to recover himself and then stepped away, but his gaze was still fixed on her and when he continued speaking, his voice was low and firm. “Ok, Rey. I won’t interfere. But I am going to call you the minute that interview is over. Do you understand?”

 

“Do I understand that you’re incorrigible?”

 

“Rey,” he practically growled and she shivered some.

 

“Kylo,” she said, attempting to keep her voice even.

 

“You’re impossible,” he said.

 

“Good. Then we’re even. Now may I get back to my stage crew?”

 

He stood back to allow her passage and she could feel his eyes on her clear until she rounded a corner.

  


________________________________________

  
  


Rey made her way to the lobby after the show was over rather reluctantly. Her stage crew had insisted she go mingle, the other professors had insisted she go mingle, and then the dean of the college himself had sought her out and so what could she do? She went to mingle.

 

Tucking the stray hairs behind her ears and double checking her braid, Rey entered the lobby from the hallway with some trepidation. Although she could glitter and gold with the best of them, it was not her favorite thing and she usually wanted to be _prepared_ for it. She was definitely not prepared for this. Unlike Kylo, she hadn’t dressed for opening night and now she saw actors, professors, parents, students, and donors all mixed together in a blur of black, silver, and the occasional spot of color. She felt out of place, and yet this theatre was practically her second home. Straightening her shoulders, she started to step into the fray. Then she spotted the dean, who just happened to be waving at her, and she joined the undertow of foot traffic to make her way over to him. He was standing with an older woman who had brown hair streaked with silver and, when she got closer, a ruggedly handsome older man with grey hair who was in a wheelchair. Rey took in their clothing, their bearing, and nervously smoothed her hands down her black yoga pants that doubled for her stage crew uniform. At least they’re my good pair, she reasoned to herself, and tried not to laugh at the absurdity.

 

“Professor Smith!” the dean exclaimed. “Let me introduce you- Leia, Han, this is one of the jewels of our theatre department. She does it all and let me tell you, she really stepped up for this production. She and Doctor Ren worked together so closely they were like peas in a pod. Isn’t that right, Rey?”

 

Rey smiled tightly, embarrassed, but nodded vigorously. “Oh, yeah. He was...he was great.”

 

“Now I know you’re lying, kid,” the man said.

 

Rey’s jaw dropped.

 

“Han,” the woman - Leia - said in a deprecating tone.

 

“What? Everyone knows he’s a toddler trapped inside a thirty-six year old,” he groused, but he was smiling, and Rey found herself laughing. “She thinks I’m funny,” the man said.

 

Leia rolled her eyes. “Forgive him, he’s on medication.”

 

“Um, how do you two know Doctor Ren?” Rey asked, emboldened by the couple’s convivial manner.

 

“He’s our -”

 

“Han, you know he doesn’t want his name associated-”

 

“Damn it, Leia, he’s our only kid! If I want to be proud of my son and make sure people know it, I’m going to damn well tell them!”

 

“Han, you’re upsetting yourself,” Leia said quietly, one hand going to rest on a handle of his wheelchair.

 

“I know, I know,” he groused again, then looked around. “Where is he, anyway?”

 

Rey was still reeling from meeting the parents of world-renowned Doctor Kylo Ren, not to mention the fact that he was apparently _thirty-six_ , but she managed to find her voice. The clearly uncomfortable dean shot her a look of gratitude.

 

“He was having a final word with some of the other professors, over by the doors,” Rey said, pointing. “I could go get him…?”

 

“No need,” came Kylo’s recognizable baritone from behind her. “Dean,” he said, shaking the man’s hand. “Mother. Father,” he went on, turning to them. “I’m glad you made it.”

 

“So are we, Kylo,” said Leia quickly, speaking over her husband’s complaints.

 

“I was just introducing Senator Solo and her husband to Professor Smith,” the dean said, smiling genially once again. Kylo’s back stiffened and Rey swallowed hard.

 

Senator _Solo_? But wasn’t Kylo’s last name...and then there was the bar...did Kylo have a brother, maybe? Was Kylo even his real name? She shook her head slightly and nodded, forcing herself back into the conversation.

 

“That’s right. Your father was telling me all about you,” she said, her voice teasing, and Kylo glanced at her with a slightly horrified look on his face.

 

“Only the good stuff, kid,” Han said gruffly. “Now get down here and let me hug you.”

 

Kylo dutifully bent his knees and leaned over, putting his arms around his father as the older man reached up towards him. Leia watched the embrace with tears in her eyes and Rey looked away, uncomfortable with the display of family and love. The dean seemed just as uncomfortable and he found an excuse to go talk to someone else. Rey longed to join him, but she also found she was reluctant to leave the small family group. The thought of learning more about Kylo, of peeling back the mask he apparently wore, was tantalizing.

 

When Kylo straightened back up, he didn’t spare Rey another glance. His focus was entirely on his parents. “How were your seats?” he asked.

 

“Fine,” Han said. “Except for the students canoodling the next row over.”

 

Kylo’s expression was a mixture of bemused and outraged. “I can try to find out who they were, or get you tickets to another night-”

 

“I’m not sure that would help. There’s always a few in every audience, unfortunately,” Rey said, despite Kylo ignoring her, and Leia nodded.

 

“Of course. No, the seats were fine, dear,” she directed at her son. “But how are you, Kylo? Are you very tired? Have you eaten?”

 

“What your mother is trying to say is that she hasn’t eaten and I had to listen to her stomach rumbling for the entire show,” Han said.

 

Rey laughed, distracting Kylo from his parents, and she hastily glanced away, trying to appear innocent and as small as possible.

 

“What I really mean is that if you’d like, we could go grab a bite to eat before you need to get to bed and start this whole process over again.”

 

Kylo looked at his mother, his expression soft - almost tender - and then looked at his father. Rey could see the moment his emotion changed to concern and sure enough, he ruled out dinner a second later.

 

“I’m not that hungry, but I could do dessert.” He smiled some. “You all need sleep, too,” he said with a pointed look at his father.

 

Han scoffed and Rey had no doubt that some very dark humor was about to cross his lips when Leia spoke again.

 

“That sounds fine. There’s an ice cream place nearby, I assume?”

 

“An ice cream parlor?” Han scoffed at his wife, who looked irritated.

 

“What? It’s a college town. There’s always an ice cream parlor.”

 

“They don’t call them parlors anymore,” Han replied.

 

“Well what does that matter?” Leia argued with him. “Parlor, place, restaurant -”

 

“Dairy Queen,” Rey interrupted apologetically, although the thought of the mighty Doctor Kylo Ren in a Dairy Queen left her biting her lips to keep from laughing. Judging from the grimace on his face, he didn’t agree that it would be a humorous situation. Leia ignored her son and looked at Rey.

 

“That’s fine. Thank you. Professor Smith, would you care to join us?”

 

“Please, you can just call me Rey,” she said.

 

“Rey, then. I’m assuming you do like ice cream?”

 

Rey looked to Kylo for some direction, but he left her floundering. So, either he didn’t care if she joined them, or he did mind and was doing a good job of hiding it for his parents’ sakes. She turned back to Leia, ready to decline, when Han spoke again.

 

“You’re taking too long,” Han said. “That means you want to come. Come on, princess, let’s get out of here. They can meet us there.”

 

Rey was startled for a moment at the term of endearment, but the light blush on Leia’s face told her everything she needed to know.

 

“He still calls you princess?”

 

“What do you mean, I _still_ call her that?” Han replied. “How old do you think we are, kid?”

 

Kylo laughed out loud and Han looked gratified while Rey sputtered for a response. Leia shook her head.

 

“He’s called me that since we were kids, ourselves. I hated it,” she said.

 

“She likes it,” Kylo and Han said at the same time. Rey laughed.

 

“Ok, Dairy Queen it is. I’m assuming my GPS will get us there?” Leia said.

 

“It will, but you can follow me, too,” Kylo replied. He started to move towards the exit with his parents. “Let me help you with Dad.”

 

Rey hung behind a little bit, still uncertain, but Kylo seemed to sense she wasn’t with them and turned back around. He fished his keys from his pocket and tossed them to her.

 

“You can wait in my car,” he told her. “You remember what it looks like?”

 

Rey could swear she blushed from her head all the way to the tips of her toes, she felt so hot. The moment was not lost to Leia and Han, either. She nodded quickly and didn’t stick around to hear whatever ribald things his father was getting ready to say. Instead, she dashed back to the hallway leading to the dressing rooms and other backstage areas.

 

“I just have to get my bag,” she turned to mouth at Kylo, one hand raised. He gave her a curt nod and then the small family unit was swallowed again by the confusion of people in the lobby. Rey lingered just a moment at the entrance of the hallway, staring at the spot where they’d been. Then she went to find her bag and make sure her stage crew was ok for closing up.

  


___________________________________________

  
  


Kylo was standing by his car by the time Rey got out to it. She started to apologize and he waved it off, instead holding out his hand for his keys. She meekly deposited them in his hand and he unlocked the car, then opened her door for her.

 

“I can open my own door, Kylo,” she said and he shook his head.

 

“This isn’t chivalry. I’m just worried that if I don’t make certain you get in, you’ll think of something else to take care of and run back inside.”

 

Rey started to apologize again.

 

“Don’t, really. We’ll only be a few minutes behind them. My mother insisted on using her GPS and she gets lost every time.” He smiled at her, finally. “It’s ok, Rey. I promise.”

 

Rey got into the car.

 

It wasn’t until Kylo had also gotten in and was buckling up, then starting the car, that Rey found her voice.

 

“So...you’re thirty-six.”

 

His hand paused in the act of shifting from park and he looked at her.

 

“I am,” he said quietly.

 

“You don’t look thirty-six,” she said, looking out the window. He finished shifting the car into drive and started maneuvering out of the parking lot.

 

“Clean living,” he offered and earned a laugh from her.

 

“Thirty-six and bifocals,” she repeated after a moment, almost to herself.

 

He frowned a little and glanced at her. “Is that...do you have a problem with that?”

 

Rey looked at him again and her expression was thoughtful.

 

“No,” she replied. She looked away again. “I’m just twenty-five.”

 

“Just?” he asked.

 

“My birthday was last week.”

 

He gave her a sharp look. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“It’s nothing to celebrate,” she said, shrugging. “Thanksgiving, Independence Day, New Year’s - those are celebrations.”

 

“So Finn and Poe don’t do anything special for you on your birthday?”

 

“They do,” she replied, “by not doing anything. They don’t mention it, they don’t treat it like it’s a special day, they just act like it’s a perfectly average day of the year.”

 

“And that’s how you like it?”

 

“That’s how I like it,” she confirmed. She looked at him then, almost shyly, wishing she could be more defiant. Wishing she wasn’t feeling their ten year age gap so badly.  “Is twenty-five a problem?”

 

“It might be,” he said and Rey felt her heart fall - she hadn’t even realized it was flying so high. She was ready to ask him to pull over, to stop the car, when he continued. “But that’s only because I’m probably going to have a hard time not celebrating your birthday,” he said, his voice the low rumbling that sent shivers of pleasure down her spine.

 

“Well, you’re just going to have to get over that,” she said, more confidently than she felt.

 

He looked at her and reached a hand over, taking one of hers in his. “I’ll try,” he said softly and Rey thought she might stop breathing, his eyes were so dark and deep, his hand so warm, so strong.

 

“That’s good enough,” she found herself replying and he didn’t smile at her, but squeezed her hand gently instead. Her thoughts in a jumble, she reached for another thread of conversation - any thread - and tugged at it.

 

“So...why the different last name?” she asked and the hand holding hers tightened again. “I mean, if you’re ok talking about it…”

 

He licked his lips and directed the car down another avenue. “It’s complicated,” he finally said and Rey nodded.

 

“I know complicated,” she replied and decided to offer him something in return. “Smith isn’t my last name.”

 

He turned his blinker back off as he rounded another corner. “It isn’t?”

 

“No,” she replied. “It was just assigned to me.”

 

“Assigned?” The car slowed down some and stopped at a red light. Kylo looked over at her.

 

“I was abandoned. I wasn’t born in a hospital, so there aren’t any original birth records for me. Everything was assigned later. Last name, birthday…”

 

“Oh.” It was just a single word, a single syllable, but it was weighted with so many things. Sorrow, sympathy, tenderness...

 

Rey looked at Kylo and shrugged, then looked down at their hands. “If you can handle my complicated, I can probably handle yours.”

 

He made a small noise, but she couldn’t tell what it meant. A moment later, they turned into the Dairy Queen parking lot. Rey decided to take one last chance on the man she knew as Doctor Kylo Ren, the man who had turned her life upside down in just a few months. She thought of pale ales and bottles of root beer, of arguments and agreements, of lighting studios and sound boards, and then she opened her mouth to ask the only question that had been hovering on her tongue since the minute she’d met his parents.

 

“Kylo...are you...is your name actually Ben Solo?”

 

Kylo nearly ran into another car as he circled the parking lot. He swore and finally pulled into an available space, throwing the car into park and turning to face her as he turned the car off and pulled the key from the ignition.

 

They faced each other silently, still holding one another’s hands, and he finally spoke.

 

“If it was...would it matter?”

 

So many things started to make sense, despite the growing number of questions rattling around her over-active brain, but Rey could only think of one thing that she wanted to make sense in that moment.

 

“No,” she replied simply. “It wouldn’t.”

 

They stared at one another a second longer and then leaned in at the same time, their lips meeting in an urgent kiss.

  


___________________________________

  
  


To say that ice cream with the family went well would be an understatement. It went better than Rey could have imagined, considering they were fifteen minutes late joining Kylo’s parents and she and Kylo both looked they’d been kissed thoroughly. The look on Han’s face said it all and even Leia had a curious glint in her eyes despite her determination to continually steer her husband away from the subject of them as a couple.

 

After all, Rey wasn’t even sure they were a couple, yet...although Kylo didn’t let her hand go and continued to hold it through standing in line and most of the ordering process. He only relinquished it in order to dig his wallet out and even then Rey’s hand felt cold and empty without his fingers circling hers. She wondered if he felt the same way.

 

Then they were sitting down, and eating ice cream, and making small talk, and laughing, and Rey felt it all deep in her bones. This was a family. For all the complications they’d faced, for the obvious period of estrangement, for the illness, for the inevitably of their parting someday...there was love there.

 

It was in the friendly ribbing Han continued to give his son. It was in the stern glances Leia gave her husband, though the corners of her eyes were quickly softened by a smile. It was in the careful way Kylo helped his father with the wrapper on his cone, or the napkin dispenser, and the tender way he looked at his mother whenever she was paying attention to Han.

 

It was in the way Leia gently drew her into the conversation, because she could see how her son was looking at this young woman.

 

Rey thought her heart couldn’t take much more of it and if she was a little quiet towards the end of the evening, Kylo didn’t embarrass her by asking what was wrong, or forcing her to talk more.

 

Instead, he simply cleared the trash for them, helped his mother up, and then offered to help get his father back in the car.

 

Rey watched it all and stepped in when she could, when she wasn’t in the way, but for the most part she just let Kylo do what he knew was best and made small talk with Leia.

 

“Will you be alright once you get home?” she asked quietly and Leia spared her a smile as she started her crossover vehicle.

 

“Oh, yes. Don’t worry about us at all.”

 

“I just...Kylo doesn’t have to drive me home. I know all the bus routes around here.”

 

“It’s a bit late for the busses, though, isn’t it?” Leia asked practically.

 

Rey shrugged and Leia shook her head. “No. Kylo will drive you home. I may not have done the best job raising him, but I taught him that much.”

 

“So Mr. Solo...I mean, Han…”

 

“It isn’t a problem. I’m tougher than I look, Rey. Besides, we have some help at home. A home-care aide -”

 

“Not for much longer, if Dad keeps terrorizing her,” Kylo said, walking around the car.

 

“Her?” Rey asked, thinking of the stately blonde at the bar.

 

“Phasma. I think you saw me with her one night,” he said and the picture clicked into place for Rey. “We were friends growing up and when she heard about Dad, she was pretty sympathetic. She’s been going to nursing school and working part time. She’s tough as nails, but Dad has a way of wearing people down. He convinced my mom to marry him, after all.”

 

“Kylo,” Leia said sharply. Han leaned over from inside the car and honked the horn.

 

“Come on, let’s blow this popsicle stand, princess!”

 

Leia rolled her eyes and then reached up to hug her son. He hunched down and accepted her hug - returned it, even. Then Leia turned to Rey and drew her into a quick hug as well, taking her by surprise. She let go before Rey could process it and was sliding into the driver’s seat.

 

“Take care, my boy,” she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he leaned in once more. “It was good to meet you, Rey. I hope we see more of you,” she added as he pulled back, with a pointed look at her son. Then she was closing the door and pulling out of the parking lot, leaving Kylo and Rey staring after them, hands raised in a brief wave.

 

“She’s a force of nature, isn’t she?” Rey asked and Kylo suddenly began laughing.

 

“And you were only around her for an hour! I cannot wait to tell her you said that.”

 

“Oh, don’t!” Rey protested and Kylo shook his head, putting an arm around her shoulders and steering her toward his car.

 

“Don’t worry, she’ll be flattered.”

 

“Kylo…”

 

Without warning, he backed her up against the side of his car and blocked her in with his arms.

 

“Rey…” he responded, his breath warm and sweet across her face. She stared up at him, eyes wide, and wondered what would happen if she just...jumped.

 

_I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen._

 

_I’m calling you as soon as that interview is over._

 

_I’m going to have a hard time not celebrating your birthday._

 

Closing her eyes, she surged up on her toes and their lips met for the second time that night.

  


_____________________________________

  
  


The drive back to his apartment was swift and quiet. After that last kiss, the only words he’d been able to manage had been, “Come home with me?” She’d hesitated, then nodded, then whispered _yes_ against his lips. Their tongues had tangled briefly at that, burning against one another, and she’d wondered if they’d even make it out of the parking lot.

 

He took one hand off the steering wheel to lace his fingers through hers again and she looked over at him, grateful for the small reassurance. Then he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it reverently and she wanted to snatch her hand away, for fear she’d cry. And still, they didn’t speak, wouldn’t exchange words and break whatever spell had hold of them. She could hear his breath rushing in and out of his lungs, same as hers, the excitement and tension rolling off of him and mixing with hers until she couldn’t stand it - and finally he pulled to a stop in front of a two-story home on one of the tree-lined avenues. She knew immediately whose house it was.

 

“Where your parents lived?” she asked anyway, finally breaking the silence, and he nodded once, then got out of the car. She let him walk around to her door and open it for her, needing those last few seconds to try and compose herself...to know herself.

 

This was what she wanted.

 

His eyes asked her the same question she’d just been asking herself and she smiled up at him in response, taking his hand and letting him pull her from the car. Then she was walking up the front steps with him, standing back while he unlocked the door, being ushered inside…

 

She knew if she let him, he’d keep her distracted all the way through the house, all the way up the expanse of stairs that greeted her, and she was determined to absorb more of Kylo Ren than he’d allowed anyone to see in years. Possibly ever. So she danced away from him and instead walked through every room on the first floor, running a curious hand over the backs of chairs, the tops of end tables, the frames of pictures.

 

“They left most of their things,” she said with some surprise and he made a small noise of agreement. She turned around and saw he was just a few feet away, standing in the doorway of the study she was currently in, but not looking at her. Instead, he was glancing about the room curiously, as if he hadn’t taken a good look at it in years.

 

“My mother...figures she’ll be back, eventually. And my father doesn’t want to make their new house just like the old one.” He went quiet for a moment and then his eyes found hers in the dim light. “He says there’s no point in dressing up a mausoleum like it’s their home. He doesn’t want her staying in the new house, once...he’s gone.” His voice was low and hoarse and he cleared his throat, looking away from her.

 

Rey didn’t know how to respond, so instead she just said a simple, “I’m sorry.”

 

Kylo looked suddenly confused - forlorn, almost, and he shrugged. “This was a bad idea. I’m sorry, too. Want me to take you home?”

 

Rey’s heart leapt into her throat and she thought of how sad he looked right now, how lost...then she thought of how right she felt in his arms, how their lips felt slanted against each other’s, how her body responded just by being near him.

 

“No,” she said softly, shaking her head. “I want you to take me to bed.”

 

Kylo didn’t move and Rey crossed the space to stand in front of him. She reached up, lacing her hands behind his neck, and tugged gently until his shoulders bowed and his lips met hers. They started slowly, moving against one another like they were exploring each other for the first time. When Kylo tried to pull away, to ask if she was sure, Rey held on more tightly and deepened the kiss, making them both shiver, and eliciting a small groan of pleasure from Kylo.

 

The sound vibrated through her mouth, making her toes curl in delicious anticipation and she continued to push against him, asking for more in ways that didn’t require words. Kylo wrapped his arms around her, then stumbled backwards out of the study and into the hall, coming to rest against the railing of the staircase. He finally managed to pull away long enough to shrug out of his coat, then gently tug at her jacket and slide it from her shoulders.

 

“I can hang these up,” he offered quietly and Rey shook her head.

 

“Really. Don’t bother,” she murmured, then caught the underside of his chin with a kiss and trailed it down the side of his neck. His sigh became strangled with need and the coats dropped from his hands to the floor. The next thing Rey knew, he was bending down and sliding a hand behind her knees in order to catch her up to his chest and carry her up the stairs.

 

How they made it up the stairs intact, considering her continued ministrations to his neck and jaw, remained a mystery to them both.

 

The bed in the guest room where he’d been sleeping was old and the mattress had clearly seen better days. The sheets were a dated floral pattern and the decorative woodwork on the bed frame clearly had a few dust bunnies taking up residence in its crevices.

 

Rey wouldn’t notice any of it until the next morning.

 

Considering the way Kylo would wake her up, his dark hair sliding over her bare chest as he placed open mouthed kisses along her skin and one hand gently rubbing her hip before dipping down to tease her into gasping for breath, she really, really wouldn’t care.

 

And right now? Right now her breath was hitching as he ran his hands over all the right places. Right now, he was the one gasping as she brought her legs up around his hips, pulling him flush against her center. Right now, she had no idea where their clothes had ended up, but she didn’t care, either, because he was sucking at her lower lip and rocking against her, drawing mewling noise from her mouth that she wasn’t sure she’d ever made before.

 

Right now, he was whispering something in her ear and she was reaching down to take him in hand, feeling his whole body tense as he reached over her to the bedside table. Right now, she was drowning out the crinkling of the condom wrapper by whispering all the lewd things she wanted him to do to her in his ear. Right now, she was beside herself, fingers digging into his back as he moved with her.

 

Right now, he was whispering to her again and her heart was beating high in her throat while tears welled in her eyes.

 

Right now, they were holding each other more tightly than either had been held in years and those elusive, overwhelming feelings she’d had once before, during their explosive kiss in the lighting studio...they filled her vision until all she could see was him.

  
  
_____________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is the final chapter, with an interlude to follow. So what was five parts grew a sixth part and what was the fifth part was heavily edited. If you ever want to see the alternate ending, I can share it, but I promise it is not as good. (Although we lost a final scene with Poe & Finn. Meh.)
> 
> It's not super lemony, but hey. That's not really my style.


	6. Enduring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Thanks so much for your many kind words and welcome into the Reylo fold. You guys have been amazing. I appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.

_____________________________________

 

 

Rey stood at the kitchen counter, fingers wrapped around a mug of coffee, and someone’s old robe - Kylo’s, maybe - wrapped around her. She was looking intently out of the window at the backyard where Kylo had spent most of his surly childhood and when he finished pouring his own cup of coffee, he walked over and stood beside her, following her gaze. 

 

“I just realized something,” she said and he glanced down at her, his expression somewhere between fond and completely in love.

 

“What’s that?”

 

“There’s a pergola.”

 

He hummed a little as he sipped his coffee. “There is.”

 

She looked up at him, one brow raised. “Is that why we needed a pergola?”

 

He hesitated. “Maybe. Not exactly.” He looked out again and shrugged a little and Rey admired the way his undershirt slid over his broad shoulders. 

 

She’d never get tired of looking at this man. 

 

“Oh, come on. You put me through hell over a pergola that didn’t even fit the style -”

 

“It was meant to be  _ thematic _ -”

 

“Like your  _ theme _ was obvious to anyone other than you.”

 

“I can’t help it if I draw inspiration from everywhere -”

 

“Are you two arguing again?” a voice interrupted.

 

Rey hunched her shoulders immediately and Kylo cringed slightly. 

 

“Oh, don’t stop on my account,” Leia said, walking past them to reach the coffeepot. 

 

Rey laughed some and relaxed, then rested a hand on Kylo’s arm. “I didn’t mean to argue. I think it’s kind of sweet...whether it matched the style or not.” She stood on tiptoe to drop a kiss on his cheek and he blushed and buried his nose back in his coffee cup. 

 

She still called him Kylo. Whether he’d been born Ben Solo or not, he’d come to her as Kylo Ren and that’s how she would always think of him. She knew he was grateful for the small favor - just as his mother had conceded a long time ago and also called him Kylo. Ben Solo’s character - his memories, his feelings, his flaws - might still exist in the broad-shouldered, uneven-tempered, and highly creative doctor, but Rey knew that for Kylo, that name had been buried with his father. 

 

Rey smiled at him patiently and then looked outside again. “I don’t know why I never put two and two together before.”

 

“That’s because this son of mine knows how to muddle your brain,” Leia quipped, coming over to stand by them and see what the fuss was about.

 

Rey flushed. “That may be,” she murmured.

 

Leia winked at her. 

 

“I’m going to start breakfast,” Kylo said, turning away from them. Rey could see the tips of his ears were red.

 

“I want pancakes,” she said.

 

“Coming right up,” Kylo replied from below the countertop, head in a cupboard as he dug for pots and pans. 

 

When Rey turned back to the window, Leia was looking outside thoughtfully.

 

“You know, you could have the wedding right here.”

 

Rey almost spit her coffee out. From behind her, she could hear Kylo bang his head on the cupboard and drop a pan. Leia looked at them both with exasperation. 

 

“What? Your friends - what are their names, again - Poe and Finn! They are getting married, aren’t they?”

 

Rey relaxed some and nodded. “That’s true. And this is a decently sized backyard.”

 

Kylo piped up from by the stove. “They wanted it small, right?”

 

“Intimate is the exact word Finn used, I think,” Rey replied. “He’s the one who wanted to elope, after all.” She looked at Leia. “You wouldn’t mind?”

 

“Mind? Child, if you knew some of the parties Han and I threw here over the years…”

 

“It’s true,” Kylo said. “It wouldn’t be the first wedding.”

 

“Han and I got married out there, ourselves,” Leia said, her voice taking on the gentle tone it always held when she spoke of her late husband. 

 

“Married? But weren’t you -”

 

“Don’t ask,” Kylo said and Rey looked back at him to see him mixing pancake batter in a bowl. She raised her brows and he started to respond when Leia interrupted them.

 

“He didn’t tell you?” Leia asked, then quickly followed with, “No. Of course he wouldn’t want to bring that up.”

 

“Didn’t tell me what?” Rey asked, irritated with Kylo that she’d been taken unawares by ghosts from his past yet again. The man was as forthcoming with details about himself as a rock.

 

“Oh, we got divorced once. It was very hard on Kylo, poor thing. But we found our way back.”

 

“They attempted to co-parent,” Kylo interrupted and his voice was a little harder than before. “It was a disaster.”

 

Rey watched him continue to work on the pancakes and felt her heart swell with compassion for him. No, he didn’t often open up about his childhood - but honestly, neither had she. She’d always figured they’d make it there eventually. And then the cancer had taken Han and most of those conversations they might’ve had organically were closed paths because it was just too painful. His father’s death had been something that brought them closer together, and yet in some ways drove them farther apart. Still, in the year since, Rey felt more than ever that she’d done the right thing by taking a chance on Kylo. She wouldn’t have given up those few months of getting to know and then losing Han, of juggling the end of one job with the start of another, of unexpected lunches with Leia when she was traveling in Rey’s new hometown, or of the stolen phone calls and precious hours she had with Kylo for anything. 

 

This was her path now - this was her dream now. Forthcoming or not, Rey had made her choice in the tall, dark, and God help her,  _ stubborn _ man. 

 

“At least they attempted,” Rey couldn’t help saying softly and Kylo’s hand tightened on the spoon he held. He turned and looked at her, his expression softer, a little guilty, but mostly apologetic.

 

Age had brought him some perspective, but while Rey knew she’d always be a little jealous he’d had  _ any _ kind of worthwhile family life, she also knew every person’s pain was their own and he’d dealt with it as best he could. 

 

“I know,” he murmured. The corner of his mouth curled some and he held up the bowl. “Now, who wants what in their pancakes?”

 

Rey started to ask Leia, heard the backdoor close, and glanced over and then out the window. 

 

“I think your mother is planning for the wedding,” she said lightly as she watched the older woman pacing the backyard as if counting footage for seating.

 

“I’m sure she is,” Kylo replied. He set the bowl down and walked over to her. “At least it’s not our wedding.”

 

“Yet,” Rey said. Kylo responded by wrapping his arms around her. She leaned into his embrace.

 

“You think she knows?”

 

“No,” Rey said. “But I’m sure she’ll figure it out before this weekend is over.”

 

“Not if you can help it,” Kylo said and his voice was a little glum. Rey turned in his arms and pressed a kiss to the underside of his chin.

 

“Don’t be that way,” she murmured.

 

“You don’t like it,” he replied. “You never wear it.”

 

“I do like it,” she said. “I love the ring you gave me. I just can’t wear it most of the time because of my  _ job _ . You have to admit, it’s pretty ostentatious,” she cajoled. 

 

Kylo cleared his throat some nervously.

 

“It was my grandmother’s,” he admitted quietly. Rey froze.

 

“Your grandmother’s.”

 

Kylo hummed a little and held her closer. 

 

“Does that mean you had to ask your mother for it?”

 

“Maybe,” he murmured, burying his face at her neck and nuzzling her.

 

Rey sighed. “So your mother already knows, essentially.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

Rey wedged her hands up on his chest and firmly pushed him away enough to look up at him. 

 

“Kylo Ren, this is exactly why I want to wait.”

 

“What?”

 

“You never communicate with me!”

 

“I think we communicate pretty damn well,” he replied, his eyes darkening. Rey caught her breath and then shook her head. 

 

“No. I mean honesty. Talking things out. Sharing.” She sighed. “To be fair, I’m pretty shit at it, too, and we’ve come a long way. But I need to know things like that...like about the ring, and your mom, and...I never even knew they’d gotten divorced when you were little!”

 

Kylo looked at thoughtfully, his mouth screwing up a little before it relaxed. “All right,” he said softly. “I understand.”

 

“You do?”

 

“I do,” he replied. “I know I’ve been pretty...distracted since we first met. Since before we met, even. That’s fair. I can be try to be more intentional in our personal life. Try to...share.” 

 

Rey could see it was almost a struggle to even say the word and her heart melted all over again. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” he said, then landed a kiss on her nose. She giggled. “Now, what do you want in your pancakes?”

 

As he let go of her and turned back to the stove, a stray thought occurred to Rey.

 

“Blueberries…” she began, then said, “Kylo, did anyone else know about the ring?”

 

He started to shrug, then stopped and glanced back at her. He looked a little nervous. 

 

“In honor of our new policy of full disclosure...I may have asked Poe and Finn for permission.”

 

Rey’s jaw set.

 

“Ok. Despite the fact that is incredibly chauvinist, I can accept you did it out of the goodness of your heart. Now, is there anyone else I need to know about?”

 

Kylo hummed a little more - it was definitely a nervous hum now, Rey noted - and dropped some blueberries into the batter that was now bubbling away on a hot pan. 

 

“Phasma...and Hux, and maybe some of your stage crew, I think?”

 

Rey’s jaw dropped. 

 

“You  _ think _ ?”

  
  


_________________________________

  
  
  


From outside the house, Leia could hear the sudden sound of a shattering mug and raised voices. She shook her head and then resumed pacing the backyard.

 

She honestly didn’t know if those two would make it past the engagement, but she’d always been one to bet on long odds. Han had taught her that. So, she would do anything in her power to help them make it to the altar...or the justice of the peace...whichever would get the job done quickest. Any idiot could look at Rey and Kylo and see they were perfect for one another, after all.

 

Besides, she wanted grandbabies. 

 

Lots and _lots_ of grandbabies.

  
  
__________________________________


End file.
